SIXTEEN

She was floating, surrounded by swirling inky darkness.  A quiet rush filled her head, like the sound of faraway surf against a sandy beach.  It was somehow fuzzy yet clear, as if she could hear every solitary note of the tuneless symphony.

She squinted her eyes as the black fog swirled faster, lightening at the edges of her vision.  Slowly the haze turned from black to gray, then almost white.  Little sparkly spots floated in her view, behind her closed lids.

A sound broke through the white noise, waking her groggy brain.  It was decidedly human, but not speech.  The noise was more guttural, like a cough or a growl.  At the same time a soft buzz vibrated in her throat.  It took a long moment for Cate to realize the sound was her own.

Another sound poked at her senses, this one different.  Rustling, like papers being shuffled.  There was someone else near.

Cate winced as she swallowed, her parched throat objecting to the action.  Slowly her brain processed the sensation, trying to figure out what was happening.  It was as if her body and her mind had somehow disengaged and were trying to operate independently.

Seconds or minutes later – Cate couldn’t be sure how long – another sensation registered in her sluggish synapses.  She heard a metallic scrape, then a rustling of fabric, then felt warm pressure over what must be her hand.  Now curious and aware that she was not alone, Cate struggled to clear the fog from her brain.  Her trained subconscious reminded her it wasn’t good for her to be this vulnerable.

Jon smiled gently as he watched Cate stir.  He gave her hand a reassuring little squeeze, hoping the gesture would comfort her as she awakened.  She had been out for almost two hours, and was bound to be a little disoriented as the anesthesia wore off.

With his free hand Jon reached to brush a thick copper lock of hair away from Cate’s face, tucking it behind her ear.  Her lashes fluttered briefly, then her face contorted in an uncomfortable grimace.  Slowly her features relaxed, her lids parting a crack to reveal dark pupils, wide and unfocusing.

“Hey, Baby.”  Jon’s greeting was tender.  “Welcome back.”

Cate automatically responded to the familiar voice, the corner of her mouth twitching upward before she grimaced again.  She parted her lips to speak, but no sound materialized.  Slowly she dragged her sandpaper tongue across her parched lips and tried again.  This time she succeeded in a raspy whisper.

“Thirsty.”

Jon chuckled quietly.  “Hang on... I’ll pour you some water.”  He gave his wife’s hand another little squeeze before releasing it and reaching for the tray that sat on the low table next to the bed.  He cracked the seal on one of the water bottles and poured half of it into the waiting glass.  Jon quickly peeled the cellophane wrapper from a drinking straw and stuck one end into the glass before lifting it and guiding the little plastic tube to Cate’s mouth.

“Here ya go, Baby,” Jon crooned softly.  He smiled again as Cate’s dry lips closed around the end of the straw.  She took a slow sip, then another and another, each sip followed by a deliberate swallow.  “Not too much,” he cautioned gently, remembering the nurse’s warning.  “Don’t wanna upset your tummy.”

“Mmmm…” Cate replied weakly.  She took another lethargic sip, then let the straw slip from her mouth.  She grimaced involuntarily once again, then slowly opened her eyes.  Cate stared silently at Jon for a long moment, waiting for him to come into focus.  Her lips curved slightly as her eyesight adjusted and his handsome face swam into view.

Jon set the water glass on the nightstand and leaned forward in his chair, resting an elbow on his knee as he again reached for Cate’s hand.  “You okay?” he inquired gently, knowing Cate probably couldn’t answer that question at the moment.

“Mmmm…” Cate repeated noncommittally.  She blinked at Jon a couple times, trying to recall where she was and why her husband was sitting at her bedside.

His next words gave her a clue.  “Everything went well, Cate.”  Jon gave his wife a tender smile.  “Dr. Klein will come by in a little bit to tell you all about it, but it’s all good.”

Something clicked in Cate’s brain.  She gave a tiny nod, then swallowed again.  “No scars?”

“Nothing he’s worried about.”  Jon gently lifted Cate’s hand, lowering his head to place a kiss against its back.  “He spent a lot of time looking around back there, where your wound was.” Jon chuckled softly.  “He seemed kinda fascinated by the whole thing, kept saying ‘that’s where the bullet did this’ and ‘the surgeon did such-and-such’.  But he said he didn’t see anything in there that would affect a pregnancy.”

Cate nodded again, more fully this time.  Her memory was beginning to come back to her now, as the anesthesia started to burn off.  She was in the recovery room, her laparoscopy finished.

“You see it?”

Jon nodded.  “Yeah.  Doc let me stay in the room for the whole thing.”  He grinned.  “Now I can say I literally know you inside and out.”

Cate smiled weakly at Jon’s attempt at humor.  “You didn’t get grossed out?”

“Nah.  What’s there to be grossed out about?  Not like there was any blood.”  Jon chuckled.  “It was basically like watching one of those medical shows on Discovery Channel.  Pretty cool, actually.  Amazing what modern medicine can do.”  He grinned cheekily.  “That little tiny camera takes a pretty good picture, I gotta say.  Wonder how much one of those costs?”

Cate chuckled raspily at Jon’s teasing reference to his hobby.  “A lot,” she replied quietly.

“Yeah, well.  Probably not very practical, either.”  Jon conceded with a smile.

Cate blinked again, trying to chase away the remaining wisps of fogginess from her vision.  She turned her head to look around the little room for a moment before returning her gaze to Jon.  “So… nothing,” she observed weakly.  “No answers.”

Jon’s smile faded a bit at the tinge of frustration in Cate’s voice.  “Well… yes and no.”  He tried to sound upbeat.  “We got an answer, that there’s nothing physically wrong.  That’s good.”  He gave Cate’s hand another reassuring squeeze.  “But no, we didn’t find the answer to why…”  Jon’s voice cracked slightly.

He swallowed before continuing.  “But Baby, this is good, you know?  We didn’t want to find out you can’t… that you had some physical thing… making it harder to get pregnant.”

Cate sighed wearily.  “I know.”

Of course Jon was right.  For the past few days she had put her medico-legal investigator training to use, privately poring over her own copies of the x-rays and medical records pertaining to her line-of-duty shooting and rehabilitation.  Cate had found nothing in the file that raised any red flags.  But she was no expert, and she had tried to hide her worry.

Cate had also realized a positive outcome to the new physical tests was one side of a double-edged sword:  one more box would be checked off the long list of infertility factors, but they would be no closer to a true answer.  Their frustration would continue.

“So, this is good news,” Jon reaffirmed brightly.  “Now we know we can move on with the next step.”  He nodded, as much to bolster his own confidence as to encourage Cate’s.

Cate’s heart squeezed at Jon’s earnest smile.  He was trying so hard to be supportive.

“Right.”  She smiled gratefully.  “The next step.  Just two more tests, first.”

“And they’ll both be good news too.  Just a couple more hoops to jump through before we get to the real work.  Kick-starting this baby-making process.”

Cate chuckled throatily at Jon’s optimism.  “Yeah.”  Testing her body’s response to her brain, she slowly turned her hand under Jon’s until her palm pressed to his.  She smiled at the completed effort.  “Can I have a little more water?”

“Sure.”  Jon reached again for the glass and lifted it to Cate’s lips.  This time she raised her free hand to meet his, her fingers curving around the small vessel.  “Got it?” Jon asked gently.  He waited for Cate’s nod before relinquishing the glass to her control.

Cate sipped slowly at the water, holding each mouthful for a second to let it quench the dryness of her tongue and inner cheeks before letting it slide down her throat.  It was refreshing.  One of the things she hated most about anesthesia was the cotton-mouth that followed.

A soft knock at the door preceded its movement.  Cate and Jon simultaneously turned their eyes to the portal as Dr. Klein entered the recovery room.  He gave his patients a warm smile.

“How are you feeling, Cate?”

“Woozy.  But getting there.”

“Good.”  Dr. Klein nodded his approval.  “You’ll probably be a little fuzzy the rest of today, but that will be gone after a good night’s sleep.”  He moved around the bed to the side opposite Jon’s chair.  “You can also expect to feel rather bloated for the next day or so, as the gas we used to expand your abdominal cavity for the scope is absorbed into your body.  But you should be good as new in about two days.”

“Okay.”  Cate handed her water glass back to Jon, who set it on the table.  “Jon said everything went well.”

Dr. Klein nodded as he swiped a finger across the electronic tablet cradled in his arm.  “Very well.”  He tapped twice at the screen, then raised his eyes to give Cate a genuine smile.  “You had some good surgeons put you back together after your shooting.”

Cate nodded.  “They saved my life.”

“Or at the very least, your mobility.”

Cate nodded again, her eyes misting at the memory of the trauma.  They may not have known it at the time, but the surgeons who dealt with the aftermath of her line-of-duty shooting really had saved her life.  Though her injuries would not likely have been fatal, there had been a very real chance that Cate would have been unable to continue her career a Special Agent.  To her, that would have been even more devastating than death.

“Yeah.  They were good.”

Dr. Klein smiled, seeing the gratitude in his patient’s face.  “They were better than good.”  He turned to reach for a flat-screen monitor, folded against the wall on a mechanical swing-arm.  The doctor pulled the screen forward, positioning it so that Cate and Jon had a clear view.

“Your husband has already seen this, but I want to show you both what I saw on my little tour.”  Dr. Klein pushed a button on the monitor, then tapped again at his tablet.  The monitor’s screen lit with a color digital image.  “So here we go.  Cate, meet your uterus.”

Cate chuckled softly at Dr. Klein’s gentle humor.  Her fingers twined with Jon’s as he moved closer to share her view of the screen.

Together they watched and listened as Dr. Klein narrated the video on the screen, occasionally freezing the frame to highlight various points.  Cate’s brow furrowed in concentration as she worked hard to focus her still-slightly-fuzzy brain on what she was hearing and seeing.

“… and though you do have quite a bit of scar tissue built up here, behind your uterine wall…” Dr. Klein pointed out several shiny, grayish-pink ridges on the monitor.  “… none of this impacts your reproductive function at all.  The only thing of note is here…” Dr. Klein waited as the image on the screen progressed, then froze the video.

“This is your right fallopian tube.  As you can see here…”  Using his finger on his tablet, Dr. Klein traced a circle around a whitish blob.   “You do have some adhesion here, to this small portion below the ovary.  It appears there was some damage to the tissue surrounding the tube, most likely during the surgery to remove the bullet fragments from your back.  However, I’m not all that concerned.  It seems to be superficial, and even if there was once a perforation of your fallopian tube it would have long since healed, or ‘sealed’ itself with the growth of this extraneous tissue.”

Dr. Klein paused as he saw concern flash across both Cate’s and Jon’s expressions.   He had fully expected the reaction, and gave them a moment to process what they were seeing so they could focus on his next words.

“Like I said, I’m not really concerned about this adhesion.  It has not visibly impacted the shape or path of the tube.”  The doctor gave Cate a comforting smile.  “It’s very likely just the result of tissue regeneration, that ‘grew’ not only onto the repaired muscle but onto adjoining smooth tissue.  But we will know for sure Friday, when we do the HSG.  That will confirm the patency of both your fallopian tubes.”

Cate nodded slowly, her gaze remaining on the screen.  “Friday,” she murmured.

Jon looked up at Dr. Klein.  “That’s the x-ray test, right?  With the dye?”

“Yes.”

“And Cate’s awake for that one?”

Cate nodded along with Dr. Klein, though she still peered at the monitor.  “That’s the last one, right?  Before we begin the treatment?”  Her gaze shifted from the screen to the physician.  “But what if the HSG shows something?  A blockage or a leak?”  She looked again at the digital image, her eyes narrowing as she focused on the highlighted anomaly.

Dr. Klein glanced at Jon before answering.  “Cate, I have every confidence that the HSG will confirm the patency of the right fallopian tube.  And I have no reason to suspect problems with the left one, either.”  He knew of Cate’s profession and background, and he could see she was calculating the likelihood of a worst-case outcome.

“But what if you’re wrong?”

“Then we’ll address treatment options accordingly.”  Dr. Klein waited for Cate to look at his face before giving her a reassuring smile.  “Depending what we see, we can act almost immediately.  Treatment could be anything from simple medication to surgery.  But I honestly don’t think it will come to that.”

Cate blinked at the physician for a long moment.  She knew his opinion was grounded in fact; Dr. Klein was one of the best fertility specialists in the country.  He had no reason to lie to her.  Still, she couldn’t bring herself to fully share his optimism.

“So, Doc…  If the x-ray test goes as you think it will, and we get a green light?”  Jon squeezed Cate’s hand, encouraging her to look at him.  When she did, he gave her a reassuring smile.  He wanted her to see his confidence when the doctor made a positive prediction.

“Then we can start with the first stage of treatment.  We’ll discuss this more on Friday, but the first step would be starting Cate on a course of ovulation-stimulant drugs.  We can do that at the beginning of her next menstrual cycle.”

Dr. Klein lowered his gaze to his tablet and tapped the screen a few times, pulling up Cate’s record.  “That looks like…the first week of December.  Unless, of course…”  He smiled warmly.  “The old-fashioned way works first.”

“You mean, keep trying?”  Jon gave Cate a little wink.  He was heartened to see her worried expression relax into a small smile.

“Absolutely.”  Dr. Klein chuckled.  “It’s like roulette.  Even though the odds are with the house, sometimes the right number comes up.  The only certainty is that you won’t win if you don’t place a bet.”

His analogy made Cate chuckle.  She glanced back at the screen, then reached to push it away.  She didn’t want to think any more about what the laparoscopy had revealed, though Cate knew she would later thoroughly re-analyze the topic.

“When can I go home?”

Dr. Klein leaned to set his tablet on a counter and moved to Cate’s side.  He pushed the monitor back to its position, flat against the wall, then folded back the sheet and blanket covering Cate’s midsection.  “Let me take a quick look at your incisions.”

Cate moved her arms to allow him access to her abdomen, suppressing a cringe of modesty as the doctor gently pushed open her hospital gown.  She felt Jon tense beside her as her nakedness was revealed, but he didn’t speak.

Dr. Klein carefully lifted the fabric tape holding a gauze pad over the small incision next to Cate’s navel.  He nodded approvingly when he saw there was only a small spot of blood on the gauze.

“Looks good.”  The doctor gently replaced the bandage, then re-draped Cate’s gown over her bare skin before pulling the bedclothes back up over her middle.   “I want you to stay here for about another half-hour, just to let the anesthesia wear off a little more before you try to get up and walk around.”

He smiled and gave Cate’s arm a pat.  “The nurse will give you post-op care instructions, but they’re pretty basic.  Keep the incision clean and dry, take it easy, no strenuous activity.”  Dr. Klein stepped over to the counter and picked up his tablet, again flicking the screen to bring it to life.  “And since we’re doing your HSG on Friday, no intercourse between now and then.”

Jon chuckled.  “You give us the whole ‘roulette’ speech then tell us to keep our money in our pockets?”

Dr. Klein laughed at Jon’s tease.  “Just for a couple days.  You should be good to go when it counts, around middle of next week.”  He swiped a finger across the tablet’s screen, then smiled up at Cate.  “According to your calendar, Cate, it looks like you should ovulate around next Wednesday or so.  For right now let’s just focus on that as our next landmark date.”  He winked at Jon.  “Then you can spin the wheel as many times as you like.”

The banter between her husband and her doctor made Cate smile, though she had tired of the discussion.   Now that she was more awake, she just wanted to go home.  She was weary of doctors and videos and charts and plans.  She just needed to get out of this place and think about something other than medical matters.

“Thanks, Dr. Klein, “ Cate’s words were a gentle dismissal.

The doctor smiled back at the couple, then he moved for the door.   “See you Friday.”

“Bye, Doc. Thanks.”  Jon grinned when the physician raised a hand in acknowledgment as he exited the room.  He turned to Cate.  “Nice guy.  And helluva good doctor.”

Cate sighed, then nodded.  “Yeah.  But right now I’m sick of doctors.  Help me up.”  She pulled her hand from Jon’s and braced it against the mattress, ready to push herself up to a seated position.

Jon frowned.  “Dr. Klein told you to wait a little bit before you try to walk.”

“I don’t care.  I’m tired of being naked and helpless.  I’m getting dressed and getting the fuck out of here.”

Jon couldn’t help but smirk at his wife’s insolence.  He knew it would do no good to argue, so he sat back in his chair and watched as Cate slowly levered herself up in the bed.  She paused and winced, then closed her eyes.

“You okay?”

Cate nodded, her eyes still squinted shut.  “It’ll pass.”

“Dizzy, huh?”  Jon chuckled and pushed back his chair.  He stood beside Cate’s bed and reached to gently grasp her upper arms, at the same time steadying her and blocking her intention of further movement.  He couldn’t resist leaning in to brush a gentle kiss across her lips before moving his mouth to her ear.

“You’re not going anywhere.  Now lay the fuck down and relax.  I’ll take you home when the nurse says you can go, not a minute sooner.”  He pushed firmly against Cate’s arms, levering her backward toward the pillows.

Cate growled softly but submitted to his demand.  Her elevation had made her feel a little lightheaded; not that she was going to admit that to Jon.  She slowly opened her eyes to see him grinning triumphantly.

“Fine,” she grumbled petulantly.  “But I’m fucking walking out of here.  No goddamned wheelchairs.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.”  Jon lowered himself back into his chair and reached for his earlier-discarded newspaper.  “Now shut up and do what your doctor told you to.”  He gave Cate a wink before shaking out the paper and raising it to cover his face.

He didn’t see the gesture, but Jon knew Cate was smiling despite herself when she flipped him the bird.

*****

“Alright, order’s placed.  It’ll be ready in ten minutes.”  Jon strolled back into the living room and rounded the end of the couch.  “I’m gonna go now, so I’ll be there when it’s ready.  Anything else you want?”

Cate shook her head and gave Jon a weak smile.  “I’m good.”

“You sure?  Things weren’t too pretty awhile ago.”  Jon nodded toward the small trash can positioned next to the couch where Cate now reclined, propped up against the pillows.  He hadn’t enjoyed cleaning the little receptacle out earlier, when Cate’s postoperative nausea got the better of her.  “I can call down to the concierge, ask him to send somebody.”

“Baby, I’m fine.”  Cate sighed and rolled her eyes.  “For fuck’s sake, you’re just going around the corner.”

Jon smiled and reached down to ruffle Cate’s hair.  “I know.  But I’m taking care of you.”

“Then take care of me by going and picking up the soup.”  Cate couldn’t help but smile back at Jon.  He was relishing his role as her nursemaid.  Maybe a little too much.

“I don’t know…”  Jon’s dissent was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening.  He turned toward the noise, surprised by the unexpected intrusion.

“Hey Dad, Cate.”  Jesse strolled into the living room, a backpack slung over his shoulder.

“Hey Jesse,” Cate smiled, giving him a little wave from her place on the couch.

“Hey.  What are you doing here?” Jon inquired, his brow furrowed with confusion.  Dorothea knew Cate was having her surgery today, so she wouldn’t have sent Jesse over for the evening.

“Just picking up some stuff.”  Jesse paused at the end of the couch and shrugged at his father’s question.  “Forgot my lit book here this weekend.  I gotta write a paper on it by next Monday.”

Jon arched a brow at Jesse’s admission.  “Have you read it yet?”

“No.  That’s why I’m here to get it.”

“Cutting it a little close, don’t ya think?  It’s already Tuesday.”  Jon’s admonishment was delivered in a stern fatherly tone.

Jesse rolled his eyes.  “Yeah, yeah.  Mom’s already on my case about it.”  He slung the backpack from his shoulder and dropped it on the floor with a dull thunk.  “I’ll get it done this weekend.”

“Not if you stand here yapping about it, you won’t.” Jon tipped his head toward the hallway leading to Jesse’s bedroom, a silent command for him to go retrieve the study material.  “You going straight home after this?”

“Yeah.”  Jesse grumbled.  “I got a lot of shit to do tonight.  Homework blows.”

Jon nodded.  “Okay.  Well…”  He glanced at Cate, who was smiling amusedly at the exchange.  “I’m running out to pick up some soup for Cate.  You gonna be gone when I get back?”

“Probably.”  Jesse turned his gaze to Cate, a look of concern painting his handsome features.  “Cate, are you sick?”

Cate shook her head.  “No.  I had a little procedure done this morning, is all.  Your father seems to think I’m an invalid, though.”  She returned Jesse’s little grin at her sarcastic tease.

Jon snorted.  “Yeah, well… I didn’t see you volunteering to clean the puke out of that trashcan when that pasta came back up earlier.”

Jesse chuckled throatily.  “He cleaned up your barf, huh?”  He gave Cate a wink.  “Must be true love.”

Cate giggled and nodded.  “Must be.”

Jon grinned sheepishly, unable to argue with the sentiment.  “Alright, I’m going.”  He sauntered over to the small table in the entry and picked up his keys before turning back to Jesse.  “Shoot me a text later and let me know how things are goin’.”  His tone softened as he smiled at his son.

“ ‘Kay, Dad.  Bye.”

Jon clapped Jesse on the shoulder before turning and slipping out the front door.

“Better go get my book.”  Jesse sighed, then trudged toward his bedroom.  Cate snickered quietly at Jesse’s resigned comment.  He sounded and acted just like his father.  She returned her attention to her iPad, sliding a finger along the screen to scroll down to the point where she had stopped reading.

A few minutes later Jesse wandered back into the big, airy living room, carrying a thick paperback book.  He yanked his backpack from the floor and dropped it on the seat of the couch opposite the one upon which Cate was lounging.

Cate watched Jesse unzip the fully-stuffed pack and shove the book inside.  “What are you reading?”

“The Brothers Karamazov.”

Cate smiled and nodded sagely.  “Ah, Dostoyevsky.”

Jesse gave Cate an inquisitive look.  “You’ve read it?”

“Uh huh.  A couple times.”

“Why?”  Jesse straightened and turned to give his Stepmother an incredulous look.

Cate chuckled.  “Well, I first read it for a college lit class.  But I loved it, so I’ve re-read it a couple times.  That and Doctor Zhivago.”

“Huh.”  Jesse moved over to where Cate reclined, circling around the big slate-topped cocktail table between the twin leather couches.  He sat on the table, facing her, and shrugged.  “It sounds like it’s okay.  But it’s long.”

“Yep.  It’s long.  But it’s got everything:  mystery, intrigue, scandal, redemption… ” Cate smiled as she recalled her first reading of  the classic novel.  “And it’s pretty amazing, the themes of morality, free will, and religion that Dostoyevsky took on at that time in history.  Freud himself thought it was a masterpiece.  So did Einstein.”

Jesse grinned.  “Sounds like you’re volunteering to proofread my paper.”

Cate nodded.  “I will.  Gladly.  But you have to finish it first.  Before Sunday night.”

“Okay, okay.”  Jesse shrugged.  He smiled at his stepmother, then his expression sobered.  “Cate, are you okay?”

Her heart squeezed at the concern in Jesse’s voice.  “I’m fine, Jess.”  Cate gave the young man a gentle smile.

“You had surgery today, though?”

“I did.”  Cate shifted on the couch, turning to more fully face Jesse.  “It wasn’t anything major, though.  Exploratory.”

“Oh.”  Jesse looked down at his hands, clasped as he rested his elbows on his knees.  “Everything’s okay, though?”

Jesse’s actions and voice perfectly mimicked his father’s, making Cate’s heart twinge again.  She tipped her head, pausing for him to look back up at her face.  “Jesse, I’m okay,” she repeated when he finally did.  She could see the reluctant question in his blue eyes, so she continued.

“I had a laparoscopy today.  Do you know what that is?”

Jesse shrugged.  “Think so.  Isn’t that where doctors use some kinda camera to look around inside you?  Like what they do for athletes with their knees or rotator cuffs?”

Cate nodded.  “Exactly.  It’s used for other conditions, too, obviously.”  She gave him a heartening smile.  “Mine was to examine my abdominal cavity.  Specifically, my reproductive organs.”  Cate paused, letting her words sink in.

Jesse blinked, then again dropped his gaze to his hands.  “To see if you can have a baby?”

“Yes.”  Cate swallowed hard.  The simplicity of Jesse’s question caused another twinge in her heart.

“And… and everything’s okay?”

“It appears to be.  The doctor didn’t find anything that he thinks is affecting my…”  Cate paused and took a deep breath, willing the words to come.  “My ability to get pregnant.”

“Oh.”  Jesse twisted his hands, then looked up at Cate.  He gave her a little smile.  “So, good news.”

“Yeah.” Cate’s smile was bittersweet.  “Good news.  But… but we still have some other tests.”

“More surgeries?”

“No.  Just x-rays and stuff.  Then…”  Cate took a deep breath.  She didn’t know what Jon had told Jesse about their pregnancy quest, but he obviously understood there was something going on.

“Are you guys gonna to have to do that artificial insemination thing?  You know, where they make the embryos in the lab, then implant them in the woman?”

Jesse’s frank question caught Cate off-guard.  She stared at him for a moment, then let out a chuckle of half-surprise, half-relief.  Jesse was clearly more informed or perceptive than she had realized.

“Maybe.  We’re not sure yet.”  Cate sighed softly.  “But the one thing we know for sure is that I’m having trouble… conceiving… in the natural way.  So your father and I are seeing a fertility specialist to figure out what’s going on, and what we can do.”

“Oh.”  Jesse nodded slowly, digesting the information.  When he looked up again at Cate he gave her a little smile.  “I guess it’s not so easy, huh?  Getting pregnant, I mean?”  He chuckled throatily and shrugged.  “I mean, I know how it works… the egg and the sperm and all that… but I guess it’s a little more complicated.”

“A bit.  Especially when you get older.”  Cate smiled back at Jesse.  She didn’t know why, but for some reason she wasn’t at all apprehensive or upset by his questions.  It was almost a relief to give him the simple explanation of her and Jon’s infertility troubles.  “Women weren’t exactly built to have babies in their forties.”

Jesse chuckled.  “Yeah, I guess not.  Guys either.  And Dad… well, he had his vasectomy undone.  That must’ve been kinda hard to get around, too.”

“Well, that was something we worried about, early on.  But turns out he’s fine.  It was a fully successful reversal.”  Cate grinned at Jesse’s laugh.

“So the Old Man’s not shooting blanks, huh?”

“Nope.  He’s still very much a ‘rock star’ in that department.”  Cate couldn’t help but giggle at her pun.

Her smile gentled as she saw Jesse’s next question before he asked.  “But we’re still not pregnant.  And that means it’s probably…”  She swallowed at her admission.  “It’s probably me.  My age.”

“But that’s where science helps, right?”

Cate nodded.  “Yeah.  There are a lot of different things doctors can do to help a woman get pregnant.  But first they have to figure out what problems there are, so they can undertake the right treatment.”  She sighed softly.  “And that’s where we are.  The last of the tests.”

“So, now you can start doing… whatever… to get pregnant?”

The simple optimism in Jesse’s question warmed Cate’s heart.  He had unintentionally reduced the situation to its most basic fact and current status.  “Yes,” she agreed quietly.  “Now we can start doing what we need to do… to get pregnant.”

“Cool.”  Jesse smiled up at Cate, his blue eyes sparkling like his father’s.  “I’m glad for you guys.”

Cate felt her eyes moisten at her stepson’s heartfelt statement.  “I guess we never really asked you kids about this, did we?  I mean, I know we had that big family meeting and all, but I never asked you one-on-one.  Jess, what do you think about your father and I wanting to have a baby?”

Jesse shrugged.  “I think it’s great.  I mean, I know my Dad loves kids, and he loves you.  It just seems like the natural thing for you guys to do.”

“You’d have another little brother or sister.”  The thought of Jesse cradling a baby in his muscular arms made Cate smile.

“Yeah.”  Jesse shrugged again.  “I like babies, and little kids.” He gave Cate a playful grin.  “It’s not like I sit around and think about stuff like this all day, ya know.  I got my own stuff to worry about.  But it would be nice to have one around that’s not a pain in the ass, like Jake and Romeo.

“Well, I can’t promise that,” Cate laughed.  “At least not after age five.  And it would be your father’s child, so definitely no guarantees.”

“True that,” Jesse agreed with a chuckle.  He reached out to give Cate’s hand a squeeze.  “Naw, it would be cool.   And if it will make you and Dad happy, that’s all that matters.”

This time Cate couldn’t stop tears from welling in her eyes.  “Thanks, Jess,” she answered hoarsely, looking away as she fluttered her lashes, hoping he wouldn’t see.

Jesse smiled gently, not missing his stepmother’s emotion.  “Welcome.”  He sat for a moment, then stood.  “So, I better get goin’ or Mom’s gonna be on my ass when I get home.  You’ll proofread my paper, right?”

Cate nodded.  “Absolutely.  Just try to get it done as soon as possible, okay?”

“On it.”  Jesse grinned down at Cate, then leaned down to drop a quick kiss on the crown of her head.  He surprised himself with the spontaneous action, but it just felt like the right thing to do.  He was relieved to hear his stepmother wasn’t sick, and he honestly hoped she would soon have what she so obviously wanted.  “Gotta go.”

“Bye Jess.”  Cate quickly swiped her hand across her eyes, then gave him a grateful smile.  “And thanks.”

“No problem.”  Jesse moved around the cocktail table to where his backpack sat on the other couch.  He heaved it onto his shoulder, then raised two fingers in a vee.  “Peace.”

Cate laughed softly at Jesse’s typically-Jon gesture, then watched her stepson turn and head for the door.  When it closed behind him she wiped her eyes again and reached for her iPad.  With an optimistic little smile she resumed her research.