FIFTY-TWO

"You Motherfucker!"  Jon barked the expletive. "You're not stopping me from seeing my wife.  And if I have to kick your ass to do it, I fucking WILL!"

Danny's lip curled.  He knew Jon wasn't just posturing; he really intended to follow through with his promise.  Danny forced himself to wait a beat, taking a slow sip from his whiskey before making his calm reply.

"Fine.  Bring it on.  But on your drive down how about you think about what Cate will think of you showing up here to 'kick my ass'?"  Danny's sarcastic sneer discounted Jon's threat.

"According you she's in no shape to think for herself."  Jon spat the accusatory reply.

"I didn't say that.  I said she's in no shape to drive."

"So you're making all her decisions for her.  That she's staying with you."

"Cate made that decision, Jon.  I'm just calling on her behalf."

"Oh?  Why the fuck do you think she needs you to do that?  She can't be that fucking drunk.  Unless..."  Jon's voice hardened.   "...You got her that way on purpose."

"She asked me to call you, Jon."  Danny's tone matched Jon's, his patience with Cate's husband wearing thin.

"Yeah, sure."  Jon growled the sarcastic rebuttal.  "I want to talk to her."

"She's in the bathroom."

"Bullshit.  Put her on, Danny."

"No."

"You sonofabitch!"  Jon exploded into the phone, exasperated with Danny's disobedience.  "I want to talk to my wife!  NOW!"

"Yell all you want, Jon.  But there's no fucking way I'm letting you talk to Cate right now.  She doesn't need to deal with your drama.  You're making all this a much bigger fucking deal than it is, and that ain't gonna help either one of you."

"You... what?... I'm making this a big fucking deal?"  Jon stammered slightly, taken aback.  Then he snapped back.    "Okay, that's fucking IT.  I'm calling the fucking cops!"

Danny snorted a laugh.  "Go ahead.  What're you gonna report?  Your wife is in a hotel room with another guy?"

"I'm gonna tell 'em you're holding her against her will, and you won't let me see or talk to her."

Danny rolled his eyes.  "Oh, sure.  And their first question will be 'have you tried to call her'?"

"She's not answering.  Because you won't fucking let her."

Danny reached to set his glass on the dresser, the heavy bottom of the vessel making a dull clunk against the wood.  He had had enough of Jon's posturing.

"Listen, Asshole.  If you think for just a minute, maybe you'll realize she doesn't want to talk to you.  Oh... Gee, I can't imagine why."  Danny rolled his eyes and turned back to the window, stepping closer to the glass and scowling out at the city.

"Fuck you.  I've got friends in Philly.  I'll call the fucking Commissioner."

"Sure, Jon.  You're not gonna do that and you know it."

"I sure as fuck will."

"No you won't.  You're not calling anybody, and let me tell you why."  Danny's snarl fully betrayed his exasperation.  "One, because I've got a bigger fucking badge than any City cop they send.  All I gotta do is whip it out and say 'federal investigation' and they go the fuck away."

"Not if I..."

"Shut up,"  Danny snapped, cutting him off.  "Two:  if you call this in as a complaint it becomes a matter of record. It goes on the blotter.  And the blotter is published at the end of every shift.  That means it won't take the police beat reporters for the Inquirer more than about two seconds to recognize your name and post it on their fucking news blog.  It'll be all over the fucking press by morning."

The icy silence told Danny he now had Jon's attention.

"And Three:  You do this... you know Cate will be pissed."

"Cate will get over it.  And once she sobers up and realizes this shit you're pulling... Well, we'll just see what kind of friend she thinks you are then, when she realizes you're trying to poison our relationship."

That was Danny's final straw.

"You self-centered, cocksucking, egotistical ASSHOLE."  Danny snarled through gritted teeth, his lip curling with menace.  "Why don't you stop and think for one fucking minute about HER?  What SHE needs?  This ain't all about you and your fucking knight-on-a-white-horse ego, Motherfucker.  And if you set foot in this city tonight I will fucking BEAT your ass."

"DANNY!"

The sharp command made him jump.  Danny wheeled around to see Cate standing beside the bed, her reddened eyes wide with surprise.  Danny's lips pressed together as he heard Jon's demand in his ear, prompted by the evidence of her presence.

"You let me talk to my Wife, Motherfucker."

Danny ignored Jon's command, his eyes locked with Cate's.  He could see the mixture of resignation and anger swirling in her turbulent gray gaze.

He knew that look.  Slowly Danny lowered the phone from his ear, holding it loosely against his shoulder.  When he spoke, his voice was even.

"He wants to talk to you.  You don't have to, if you don't want to."

Cate stared back at him for a moment, then nodded wearily.

"Yes, I do."

Her shoulders slumped as she crossed the room to where Danny stood.  He cursed silently, but remained stoic.  As he held out the phone to her they both heard Jon's repeated demand crackle from the tiny speaker.

"Danny!  Put Cate on the fucking phone!"

Cate took the device from Danny's hand, arching a brow when he hesitated before releasing his grasp.  She pushed a dampened lock of copper hair back behind her ear before raising the phone.

"It's me."  Her voice was flat.

"Thank God!  Cate, what the fuck is going on?  Are you alright?  Jon's words exploded in an anxious burst.

"I'm fine, Jon.  I... I'm okay."  She swallowed hard, hoping he didn't detect the uncertain quaver in her voice.

"What the fuck is Danny's problem?  He calls me up and tells me you're staying there tonight, that I can't come get you..."

She interrupted his angry rant, automatically coming to her friend's defense.

"He's just taking care of  me."

"By hiding you from your husband?  Cate, he won't even fucking tell me where you are!"

"That's not what he's..." Cate sighed tiredly, uninterested in further explanation.  "I... we... drank too much.  I can't drive home.  That's all."

"Cate, that's  not all.  I don't know what the fuck Danny said or did to you, but you don't sound..."  Jon's voice cracked and he paused.  "I don't like this.  I'm coming to get you."

She shook her head wearily though he couldn't see.  "No.  It's late."

"I'm not tired; I'm still on West Coast time.  I'll be there in an hour.  What room?"

Cate let out an exasperated half-growl.  Suddenly she was sick of it all, of these two men who seemed to think she was incapable of thinking for herself.  She snapped out the response before she could check herself.

"Jon, I said... DON'T."

The abrupt silence pierced her heart.  Cate lowered her chin to her chest, her reddened eyes again slicking with tears.  She broke the pause with hoarse request.

"Jon.. I... I need you to just... just let it be.  Please."

She heard him clear his throat, then his husky admission filled her ear.

"Baby... I'm worried."

"I'll be okay.  I'm... tired.  I'm just going to sleep."

"That's not what I'm worried about."

Cate's breath caught in her throat at the hint of accusation.  Her hand lifted to cover her heart, a vain attempt to shield it from the stab of hurt.  She answered hoarsely, providing the only reassurance she could muster.

"Jon.  I love you.  Please just... please understand.  I need you not to come here.  Not tonight."

After a long pause came his resigned reply.

"Okay."

Cate sighed, relieved he was backing down.

"Thank you, Jon."

"Will you be home in the morning?"

"Yes.  I'll call before I leave here."

"Fine."  Jon couldn't mask a hint of bitterness.  Another silence followed, then a more gentle  query.  "Cate... are you sure you're okay?"

She nodded despite the tear that slipped down her cheek.  The reality was no, she wasn't okay. She was a mess.  But the lie slipped easily from her lips.

"Yes.  I'm okay."

"Okay."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Cate."

"O... Okay.  I'll talk to you in the morning."

"Get some sleep, Baby.  Oh, and... let me talk to Danny again, will ya?"

"Jon..." Her reluctance was a warning.

"It's fine.  Promise.  I just want to apologize for losing my cool."

"Well... okay."  Cate dropped the phone from her ear and turned to look at Danny.  Her voice strengthened a bit, her annoyance with him still very much present.  "He wants to talk to you."

Danny held out his hand for the phone.  Cate gave him a long stare before handing it over.  "Be nice."  She turned and wandered toward the kitchenette.  

Danny snorted softly before raising the device to his ear.  "What?"

The warning rumbled in his ear.  "If anything happens to her I'm holding you personally responsible."

"Yeah," Danny grunted vaguely, quickly moving toward the suite's front door, as far away from Cate as possible.  His voice dropped as he answered in his own quiet growl. 

"I got this.  She'll be okay."

"She fucking better be."

Danny sighed, tired of this dominance game.  "Look, Jon.  She's a mess.  She just needs to shut down for a little while, lick her wounds and get her head on straight before she comes home.  To you.  You know her, you know it's what she does.  And if you really love her you'll shut the fuck up about it and just let her be.  She's dealing with enough guilt; you don't need to pile on more."

A growling sigh preceded his tart reply.

"Fine."

Danny rolled his eyes but didn't take the bait.  He was done with Jon's tempermental ego.  There was nothing left to say.

"Good talking to you, Jon."  He couldn't keep the sarcasm from his tone.  "Get some sleep."

"Call me if she needs anything."

"I will."

His reply was the sound of silence as Jon abruptly closed the call.

"Oh, fuck off."  Danny mumbled as he jabbed his thumb at the call-end button.  He sighed wearily, then turned back to the suite to find the other Bongiovi glaring back at him.  He rolled his eyes and started toward her.

"What the Hell was that?"

Danny shrugged and ambled over to the desk.  He dropped the phone on its surface and picked up his whiskey glass, then downed the remainder of its contents before answering.  "He got all bent outta shape when I told him not to come get you.  I let it go for a minute, but I'm not in the mood to take his shit tonight."

"Oh for Christ's sake, Danny!"  Cate rolled her eyes and sighed heavily.  "See?  I told you I should have just called him myself."

"Hey, he's the one who stirred shit up."  Danny shot her a scowl.  "I kept it cool."

"What did he say?"  Cate crossed her arms, holding her now-recharged whiskey glass awkwardly against one elbow.  She arched a brow expectantly.

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does.  He obviously said enough to get a rise from you."

Danny snorted derisively, remembering Jon's threat of bodily harm.  That had been more amusing than annoying.  It had been Jon's disregard for Cate's wishes that had really ticked him off.  "It was nothing.  Just his big mouth.  And his fucking Napoleon Complex."

"Meaning what?"

Danny gave Cate a direct look, his lip curling with a half-amused sneer.  "Meaning your husband needs to remember he's the little dog when he's pissing in the big dogs' yard."

"Oh Jesus," Cate growled the sigh and rolled her eyes again.  She didn't want to know the details of the argument, but she understood Danny's analogy.  Somehow the conversation had turned toward police action.  "And I suppose you kept cool about that, too?"

Danny shrugged again, ignoring her accusatory declaration.  He moved past her toward the bathroom, dropping his empty whiskey glass on the room service table enroute.  "I'm gonna take a leak."

Cate snarled softly at his evasion, then sighed.  She just didn't have the energy to pursue this further.  Instead she spoke to his retreating back.

"You want another drink?"

"Sure."  Danny paused in the bathroom door, glancing at the clock before turning back to look at her.  He knew their conversation was far from over, but now that they were in for the night more practical matters occurred to him.

 "You want one of my t-shirts or somethin'?  Or there's a robe in the closet."  He nodded toward Cate, indicating her sweater-and-slacks combo.  "Unless you wanna sleep in your duty clothes."

"Oh."  Cate was mometarily surprised by the question.  "Uh... thanks."  It hadn't occurred to her that she had no overnight supplies.

"My bag's in the closet.  Should be something clean in there."  Danny waved a hand at the louvered doors before disappearing into the bathroom.

Cate dropped her arms from their cross over her chest, then reached to set her drink on the counter.  She raised both hands to her face, pressing their heels against her swollen eyes.  Deliberately she pulled in and blew out a long breath, then raked her fingers through her damp, tangled auburn mop.  Calmed by the moment, she shuffled slowly over to the closet door.

The jumble of dirty clothes and shoes on the floor of the little room made her smile despite her dark mood.  Danny had never been a neat bachelor, and his habits apparently hadn't changed with marriage. 

Cate pushed aside the unfastened flap of an oversized duffel perched on the suitcase stand.  She rummaged around in the bag until she found a worn gray tee emblazoned with a faded logo; a shield featuring a beret-topped skull, an eagle, a sword, and a Latin-inscribed banner.  Cate smiled tiredly again at the familiar unit crest.  She and Danny had worn it on their uniforms a decade ago.

Without bothering to check whether Danny was still in the bathroom Cate unfastened her trousers and let them slither down her legs.  She stepped carefully out of them, then retrieved and folded them over one of the closet's unused hangers.  She stripped off her sweater and arranged it carefully on the hanger as well, then reached behind her back to unhook her bra.  Cate breathed a soft grunt of relief as her breasts lowered, freed from their binding.  She looped the brassiere by a strap over the hook, then suspended the clothes-laden hanger from the chrome bar.

Cate sighed again as she pulled the worn t-shirt over her torso.  Her nipples puckered at the soft brush of the fabric, and the hem tickled the tops of her thighs.  Though the garment's length was immodest Cate didn't care.  It wasn't like Danny had never seen her bare flesh.  They had once-upon-a-time been lovers, after all.  And she had worn bikinis that covered less.  At this point she was just grateful to be comfortable.

With a sweep of her hand at the back of her neck Cate freed her tangled mane from the shirt's neck binding.  Then she stepped back from the closet and closed the door.

She turned to find Danny gazing benevolently at her. He too had shed his work clothes in favor of sleep attire, a pair of navy knit track pants and a white v-necked tee now clinging to his muscular body.  Cate could see the outline of the dragon tattoo on Danny's left pectoral through the shirt's thin fabric.

"Better?"  His voice was calm and gentle, his recent annoyance now past.

"Better."  She gave him a tired little smile.

"Good.  Now..." Danny wandered past her, through the wide doorway into the suite's sitting area.  "... to get comfortable."

Cate sighed.  She knew they weren't done talking but she was weary.  "Danny..."

"Shh."  He silenced her protest.  "Chill, Slick.  I'm not gonna put the thumbscrews on ya.  We got all night."

That drew a tired chuckle as her lips curved gratefully.  "Okay.  I'm gonna... uh..."  She looked around the room, searching for her bag.  She spotted it on the dresser and moved to pick it up.  "I'll be right back."

"Goin' somewhere?"  Danny gave her a little smirk as he poured whiskey over the fresh ice in his glass.  "You don't have pants on, ya know."

Cate snorted softly at his reminder.  She unsnapped her purse, then retrieved the necessary item from inside. She gave Danny an ironic half-hearted smirk as she waved the tampon at him.

"Just to the head."

His expression gentled as he recognized the significance of her action.  "Ah.  Sorry."

"Yeah.  Me too."  Cate shrugged defeatedly and turned away, her shoulders slumping as she ambled into the bathroom and shut the door.

"Shit," Danny breathed, his heart squeezing with sympathy for her.  He turned to lean back against the counter as he took a sip of whiskey, his eyes automatically moving to the big picture window and the cityscape beyond the glass. 

It was a clear night, a giant moon and thousands of stars glittering in the velvety sky above the tops of the Center City skycrapers.  The corners of Danny's mouth curled as he regarded the celestial display.  How many times he and Cate had sat staring at those very stars, from a very different place, sharing their secrets.

So why not do it again?

Danny's lips split with a gentle grin as he nodded to himself.  Setting his glass on the counter, he moved quickly.  First he tugged on the cords to open the curtains as wide as they would go, opening the vista as much as possible.  Then he kicked aside the coffee table and dragged the suite's couch across the small living room, turning it to face the big window.  Finally he flicked the pair of switches on the wall next to the kitchenette, darkening the suite save for the illumination from the stars and city lights.

Chuckling to himself, Danny returned to the living room and dragged one of the side tables over to the couch.  He retrieved his and Cate's drinks and deposited them on the table, then added the ice bucket and whiskey bottle.

Remembering another important detail, Danny stepped back into the kitchenette and tugged open a cupboard.  He dumped a half-bag of corn chips into a plastic bowl, then added it to the side table.  Finally, Danny moved over to the nightstand and switched on the clock radio that blinked the time with a soft green glow.  Instantly a tune hummed tinnily from the cheap speaker, filling the quiet with a tune from the classic rock station's playlist.

"Perfect."  Danny chortled as he crossed back over to the rearranged sitting room.  With a soft groan he slouched down onto the couch and picked up his glass.  Another slow draught of whiskey brought a wave of warmth, the first he had really felt all night.

He heard the door open, then sensed her surprise.  Danny smirked.

"Danny?  What the..."  Cate squinted against the darkness, waiting for her eyes to adjust.  She blinked slowly. 

Danny raised his glass, rattling the cubes against the sides to give her an audible clue.  "Over here."

"What the hell did you do?"  Cate half-chuckled the question. 

Danny gave her a smug look as she appeared at the end of the couch.  "What's it look like?  I rearranged the furniture."

"I can see that.  But why?"

In response Danny patted the cushion next to him, inviting her to sit.  " 'Cause."

Cate stared back at him for a moment, then her lips curved into a bittersweet half-smile.  "Oh."  He could see in her tired, glittering grey eyes that she understood. She stepped forward and turned to face the window.  Slowly she lowered herself onto the sofa, then with a soft sigh slumped against the cushions.

Danny waited until she was settled before handing over her drink.  With a soft clink of glass to glass they silently toasted, then drank.  Together they stared out into the night, content for a moment with the quiet.  Finally Danny spoke.

"I've got Fritos, if you're hungry."

Cate couldn't hold back a giggle at his unlikely but perfect comment.  Her heart squeezed gratefully as she turned her head to give Danny an affectionate smile.

"I'm not hungry.  But thanks."

Danny shrugged and reached for the bowl.  He picked up a few chips and tossed them into his mouth, crunching noisily for a moment before replying.  "You sure?  You didn't eat much.  You're gonna be hurtin' come morning if you don't put somethin' in your belly."

She shook her head, her smile softening.  "Yeah, well.  Fritos don't work so well for me anymore.  Not like back then."

"That's 'cause you drink the good stuff now.  Not just the cheap shit that was all we could afford, all those years ago."  Danny chuckled before washing down his mouthful of corn chips with another sip of whiskey.

"Probably."  Cate turned her gaze back to the window.  She sighed tiredly.  "Those were the days, huh?  Back when everything was so... uncomplicated."

"I dunno.  We thought everything was pretty fucking complicated, didn't we?  We spent enough damned time on that roof, trying to figure shit out."

Cate's mouth curved with the memory. "Well, it worked.  Mostly, anyway.  We're still here, and we're still friends.  Right?"

"Yeah."  Danny turned to look at her, his expression gentling.  "So, Slick.  This ain't a shitty old beat-up couch on a frat house rooftop in the middle of nowhere, but it's the best I could do on short notice.  We got booze, we got Fritos, we got stars, and we got..." He paused to listen, trying to discern the tune in the background.  "...Foreigner.  So...?"

Cate nodded slowly.  She reached across Danny's torso to set her drink on the table at his side, then sighed.  Instead of straightening she dropped her head onto his shoulder.  Danny shifted beside her, stretching out his legs and making room for Cate beside him as she settled into her customary position, pulling her feet up onto the couch and folding her legs under her.  Danny's left arm wrapped protectively around her shoulders as Cate curled against his torso, finally letting herself relax.

"So."

"Sounds like you've got a lot to work out, huh?"

She nodded, her cheek rubbing over the soft cotton of his t-shirt.  "Yeah, guess I do."

"So, what're you gonna do about it, Slick?"

She didn't answer right away.  He waited, knowing she would.

"We have an appointment Friday.  With Dr. Klein."

"Which doc is that?"

"Our fertility specialist."  Cate's reply was listless.  "He did our IUI procedures."

Danny nodded.  "More tests?"

She sighed.  "No.  I... I'm sure he's going to tell us it's time to try something... else." 

"Like?"

Cate swallowed hard.  "Like... IVF."

"Okay.  Why does that bother you?  I'm no expert, but from what I've heard IVF is far from a long-shot these days."

"For the right couple."

"Why wouldn't you and Jon be 'the right couple'?" 

"Because... we... don't know what's... wrong.  With me."

"Who says anything's wrong with you?"

Cate sighed again, this time with a hint of frustration.  "Nobody.  That's the problem."

"What, you want there to be something wrong with you?"  Danny chuckled gently. 

"No. But I... I just want answers, Danny.  It's been over a year now, dozens of tests and procedures and exams... and all anybody can tell me is that everything looks... normal."  Cate's voice was tinged with bitterness.  "And that I'm old."

"Jon's older than you are."

"But it's different with men, as you well know."  Cate growled softly.  "And all his tests are normal too.  It... it has to be me."

"Okay, for argument's sake, what if it is you?  What if you go do IVF and it doesn't work, for whatever reason.  What then?"

The bluntness of his question should have stunned her, but it didn't.  It was a question she had wrestled with, one to which she still had no answer.

"I don't know, Danny.  I just... don't know."

"Have you and Jon talked about other options?  Adopting?"

She nodded against his chest.  "Yeah, we've talked, but... but that's not something... something I want."

"How about him?"

"He says whatever I want is what he wants.  He... he has his kids, after all."

Danny sat silent for a minute, recalling their earlier conversation.  "Slick... if Jon says he supports whatever you want to do with regard to this... fertility thing... then why are you worried about how Jon will feel about you if it doesn't work out?"

"Because..." Cate felt her eyes mist with tears.  She blinked angrily at her reaction.  "Because I just... he'll be so... so disappointed."

"In you, you mean."

"No, not exactly... I mean... well..."

She felt his sigh before she heard it.  "Slick... Jon didn't fall in love with you because he wanted to have more kids.  He didn't marry you because he wanted to have more kids."  He chuckled softly.  "And he didn't wanna come here and kick my ass to get to you tonight because he only wants you to be his BabyMama."

That made her lift her head.  Danny chuckled again at her surprised expression.

"He said he was gonna kick your ass?"

"We both know that wouldn'ta happened."  Danny gave her a smug smirk and reached for his glass.  He took a sip, then returned it to the table.  "But yeah, he was willing to put it on the line for you, Cate.  Because he loves his wife.  Not just her uterus."

Cate didn't respond.  She lowered her cheek back to Danny's chest and sighed softly.

"Cate.  You and Jon have to talk.  About more than just babymaking.  And you gotta be honest with him.  Tell him everything.  How you feel about him, about yourself, about your marriage."  He felt her tense, an involuntary reaction.  "And I think maybe some help might be a good thing.  I think you do too."

"Yeah."  The word was a weary sigh.

They sat silent for what seemed an hour, Danny waiting patiently and sipping at his drink while Cate tried to arrange her thoughts.  But she couldn't focus;  couldn't quiet the raging battle between her mind and her heart.  Maybe it was because of the wine and the whiskey, maybe it was because she was exhausted from a long and emotional day.  Whatever the reason, it was quickly becoming apparent she wouldn't find the answers tonight.

She finally gave up, staring glumly out the window at the night sky.  Out of reach of the moonlight, thousands of stars twinkled back at her from the Heavens, daring her to voice her darkest and most illogical confession.

She started hesitantly, but she knew when the first words left her lips there was no turning back.

"Danny.... what if..."

"What if what, Slick?"

"What if this is all my fault?  What if it doesn't matter... the doctors, the tests, the procedures, the... everything.  What if it's all in vain?"

The flatness of her voice made Danny's brow furrow with concern.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean..."  She waved a hand at the window before dropping it again to Danny's chest.  "That.  Out there.  What if there is a God out there... and he's looking down and watching all this... this shit we're going through and..."  She swallowed hard against the lump rising in her throat.  "And he's just shaking his head and saying 'It ain't gonna happen'."

Danny's eyes widened with her unexpected query.  Cate wasn't exactly atheist, but she had long ago expressed her skepticism of religious dogma in all its forms.   He had never heard her speak of the Christian Deity except when uttering a blessing or a curse. 

He kept his reply calm, not wanting to discourage her expression.

"Since when are you religious?"

"Since never.  But lately..."  Cate sighed, a half-frustrated, half-angry release of breath.  "I don't know.  I just... sometimes I just wonder if... if all that stuff I've always dismissed as bullshit... Well..."  She felt a pair of tears slip from the corners of her eyes, sliding down her cheeks and onto Danny's t-shirt.

"You  know the thing we swore we'd never talk about?  The thing that never happened?"

Danny's lips parted in a silent gasp.  It took all his training to remain calm and neutral in his response.

"Yeah."

"Danny... what if that was my one chance?  And now... well... what if this is my pennance?  My punishment, for not having the baby then."  She choked on the last words as more tears escaped down her cheeks.  "For... ending that pregnancy."

Danny's arm tightened protectively around Cate's shoulders as his heart squeezed painfully for her.

"You did what you had to do back then, Cate."  Danny's reassurance was gentle.  "You didn't want the baby.  And Kevin sure as fuck didn't."

"I know.  I don't regret... that.  My decision.  It's just..."

"He threatened you, Cate.  That he would fight paternity, he wouldn't give you a dime, he wouldn't help you raise it..."  A sneer crept into Danny's hardened voice as he talked about Cate's ex-husband.  "Cate, even if you had the baby and gave it up for adoption... you still would have taken the hit.  Professionally, physically, emotionally... 

"I know, Danny.  I never wanted kids.  Not until now."  She reached up to wipe her eyes, no longer trying to hide her tears from him.  "It wouldn't have been fair to the baby, either.  I... I honestly hated... that... fetus."  Her voice cracked as her throat closed.  She cleared it and continued hoarsely.

"I couldn't have been a mother to that child, Danny.  It would have been a reminder.  A living, breathing reminder of my biggest mistake."

"I know, Slick."  His own eyes moistened as he gave her another gentle squeeze.  "It wouldn't have been fair to the kid.  Or to you.  You did what you had to do."

She raised her head from Danny's chest and gave him a searching look.  Wet streaks glistened on her cheeks, painted silver by the nighttime glow coming through the window.  Her eyes glittered like diamonds, brimming with unspilled tears.

"It was the only answer, Danny.  The only choice I could make."  Her voice was a hoarse whisper.  

"Cate, you don't have to convince me.  I was there, remember?"

"But now... now that I'm ready... and I want a child... so much..." She could barely choke out the words.  "And there are no answers why..."

"Hey."  Danny interrupted her.  He reached up to brush away another tear from her cheek, his touch tender as his voice.  "This isn't you.  Not the Cate I know."

"I just... I don't know what else..."

"Cate, there could be a hundred reasons you haven't ruled out.  You haven't tried everything yet.  It could be simple biology."  Danny gave her a sympathetic half-smile as he brushed his thumb over her chin.  "You can't honestly think there's a vengeful God up there, handing out vigilante retribution before Judgment Day."

She stared dolefully back at him.  "Can you say with certainty there's not?"

"Of course not."  Danny gazed back at her, his expression sobering.  "You and I have both seen things that could make even Mother Teresa have her doubts."

She nodded slowly.  "You were raised Irish-Catholic, you know all the dogma."

Danny snorted softly. "Yeah, but I'm hardly devout.  You know that." 

"But can you honestly say that you... you didn't have a shadow of a doubt, when you sat in that room waiting for me?  That you didn't say a prayer under your breath?"

He gazed back at her before giving his quiet answer.  "Of course I prayed for you, Cate.  I prayed that you would be safe and whole.  I prayed that Saint Michael would watch over you then, as always.  Just like I did when you were laying in the hospital with a bullet in your back.  Just like I still do, every day."

Cate stared back at him, stunned.  In all the years she had known Danny, she had never heard him pray.  She knew he wore a medallion of Saint Michael the Archangel, the patron saint of police officers, as many officers did. She knew he remembered all the right words to say and when to kneel and sit when he attended Mass.  But she had never realized an expression of faith was a daily part of his life.

"Oh."  Cate swallowed hard.  "Danny..."

"Mmm?"

She felt the tears slip down her cheeks again.  "Thank you."  She lowered her head again to his chest, dampening his t-shirt with her moist cheek. 

Danny hugged her again and chortled softly.  "Surprised ya, huh?"

"Yeah.  A little"  She sighed softly.  "So maybe... maybe it's not so crazy, then.  Maybe God is punishing me for my sins."

"I don't think so, Cate.  I think you're just feeling what people feel in their darkest hours.   They need something to hold onto.  Faith."  Danny reached up to stroke her hair, gently guiding it away from her face and tucking it behind her ear. 

Cate stayed still for a few minutes, digesting his words and remembering their earlier conversation about Jon's unflagging optimism and how it frustrated and angered her.  Danny was right; of late she had felt so ungrounded, so alone.  She did need something to hold onto.  But it wasn't religion or an unseen Deity.

"Cate... did you ever tell Jon?  About the abortion?"

She shook her head slightly against his chest with her hoarse reply.

"Of course not." 

"Why not?"

"Because I haven't told anyone about it.  I... I've tried to forget about it.  It never happened."

"But you've obviously been thinking about it lately."

"Yeah."

"So?"

Cate answered slowly, considering her reply as she spoke.  "I don't know.  It's not like I... I'm hiding it from him.  I just... we don't talk about the past."

"You don't talk about your past, you mean."  Danny's correction was gentle but pointed.

"No.  I mean... of course he knows about Kevin.  I told him all about that long before we married."

"Except for the baby."

She didn't answer.

"Are you afraid to tell him?"

She thought for a moment, trying to find the truth.  When she answered, her voice was calm. 

"No.  I'm not afraid to tell him.  I guess... I guess I'm just afraid to... to talk about it.  At all."

"But you're talking about it now."

That brought a tiny smile.  "But you're my co-conspirator."

"True."

She sighed, knowing Danny wouldn't let her off the hook.  "I think Jon would be... surprised.  Maybe shocked.  But... he'd understand.  He knows what my first marriage was like."

"He wouldn't judge you."

Again she gave her head a slight shake against Danny's chest.  Her hair slipped forward over her cheek.  Danny gently stroked it back into place.

"I don't think so.  He's Catholic, but like you."  Cate sighed again.  "But I don't know, Danny.  Maybe he would... would look at me a little differently.  Trust me a little less."  Her voice roughened with emotion.  "And maybe he'd feel the same as I do... wondering if God is punishing me."

Danny sat quiet, stroking her hair and waiting for her to compose herself.  It only took a moment.

"Danny... I don't ever want him to look at me with... with pity.  Or disappointment.  Especially if we don't.... don't have a baby.   It would... would kill me."  She cleared her throat softly, then continued.  "So no, I haven't told him.  And I don't think I ever will.  That part of my life is over.  The past has to stay in the past."

Danny nodded his silent agreement.  "You made me promise that day, remember?  That when it was over, we'd never talk about it again.  Like it never happened."

"Yeah."  Her voice was husky.

"Slick... I'm always gonna be here.  No matter what.  Especially to talk about shit that never happened."

He felt the shudder of her silent sobs as he hugged her tight.  Blinking away his own tears, Danny dropped his head to press a kiss against her hair.  He sent up another silent prayer before offering his counsel.

"Cate, you gotta have faith.  In God, in Karma, in Music... in Yourself.  In Jon.  In your love.  Grab on with both hands and don't let go.  No matter what."  He heard his own voice quaver with his heartfelt advice.  "And in the end, whatever happens... you'll have each other.  That's really all that matters."

The clutch of her arms around his waist told him she understood.

They sat together on the couch for a long time, not needing to talk, just taking comfort in the closeness.  Eventually Cate relaxed, her breathing turning shallow and even.  When he was sure she was finally asleep Danny craned his neck to look at her face.  It was peaceful.

Danny reached for his glass, then raised his eyes to the window.  His gaze turned again to the Heavens.  The stars were still there, the same ones that had seen him and Cate through half a lifetime of rooftop confessionals.  They winked down at the world, as if sharing their secret.

Danny winked back.

*****

She turned the knob and stepped through the door, then paused.  All was quiet save for the ticking of the heavy pedestal clock in the house's rear foyer, the long narrow room joining the garage and the main floor.

Cate gently closed the door behind her and moved into the kitchen.  Though still wearing her sunglasses she squinted against the bright sunshine that flooded through the tall windows.  Her mouth twisted into an involuntary wince as her  brain throbbed at the stimulus.

"Jon?" 

She spoke his name rather than calling it out, a quiet vocalization of her musing.  Jon's vehicles were all parked in their garage bays and she had seen no sign of activity at the studio when she pulled onto the estate.  He must be somewhere in the house.

Cate wandered over to the table in the sun-soaked breakfast nook, her eyes again narrowing against the brightness.  She tugged out a chair and dropped her bag onto it.  Her keys followed, rattling onto the tabletop with a muted clank.  Finally she slid her dark glasses from her face and placed them more gently onto the surface.

Turning away from the windows, Cate pulled a hand through her thick mahogany hair as she moved slowly to the refrigerator at the far end of the kitchen.  Extracting a green glass bottle from the icebox, she cracked its seal and sipped.  The Pellegrino's bubbles soothed her scratchy throat.

She turned and retraced her steps toward the breakfast nook, but paused halfway when she saw the notepad on the granite-topped side counter, a blunt pencil laying across the lined paper.  Cate's tired blue eyes scanned the familiar scrawl, then the corners of her mouth curved.

Writing.

Come find me.

xoxo - J

Cate traced her fingers over the letters, thinking.  If Jon was writing he could be anywhere... in the house, on the patio, at his pub... even sitting on the river bank.  She unconsciously winced again at the thought of searching the grounds in the bright sunlight.

She took another sip of sparkling water before wandering away from Jon's note and to the rear of the airy kitchen.  Cate took a right through the arched doorway and ambled down the hall, past the wine pantry and into the narrower passage that led to Jon's office. 

She had taken only a few steps when she hesitated, heeding the clue to Jon's location.  Cate's mouth curved into a gentle smile as the piano chords drifted through the hall, their richness dampened by barriers of walls and carpets.  The notes ceased, followed by a quiet curse then a renewed attempt.  Jon's soulful voice followed.

Hey Jude...

Don't make it bad.

Take a sad song, and make it better.

Remember to let her into your heart

Then you can start

To make it better....

Cate let out a quiet sigh as Jon's voice faded and the piano accompaniment faltered.  Her destination now pinpointed, she continued her trek through the hallway as she heard Jon repeat the flubbed notes several times before resuming the lyrics.

And any time you feel the pain

Hey Jude, refrain

Don't carry the world upon your shoulders...

Cate wandered through Jon's business office, then on through two more arched doorways before she reached the threshhold of the airy room that housed the smaller of the mansion's three pianos. Apparently that was where his mood had taken him this morning.

The sunlight filtering through the windows was softer than the kitchen's bright glare, painting the room gold and rose.  It danced over the baby grand's sleek walnut curves and illuminated the handsome features of the artist bowed before it.

Jon's head was down, his eyes on his hands.  His frown of concentration dimpled his smooth cheeks as he worked on the fingering, trying several key combinations until he struck the right one.  Cate's heart warmed as she watched her husband at work.  Silently she stepped into the doorway and leaned against the jamb.

He sensed her presence.  Jon's tousled blonde head raised and he turned his blue gaze toward her.  His frown relaxed into a welcoming smile.

"Hey.  You're home."

She nodded.

"How ya feelin'?"

"Okay."  Cate shrugged, her smile turning sheepish.  "Mainly just stupid."

Jon's soft chuckle warmed her.  "Stupid because you can't drink like you used to or stupid because you tried?"

Cate sighed softly & pushed away from the jamb.  She reached to set her water bottle on a small side table before moving slowly over to the piano.  She paused beside the bench. 

"A little of both."

"Well... I think we've both been there."

Jon patted the upholstery next to him, inviting her to sit.  She nodded her agreement and sank onto the bench.  Cate sat quiet for a moment, then raised a hand to the ivory keyboard.  She pushed tentatively at a key, evoking a soft plink from the piano.

"Jon... I'm sorry.  About last night.  About... not coming home.  Like I promised."

"It's okay, Baby."

"No, it's not.  You were waiting."

"Cate..."  He waited until she glanced sideways at him, her long copper locks half-shielding her remorseful expression.  "I get it.  You needed time with Danny, to... well, whatever.  Besides, I certainly didn't want you driving after you'd been drinking."

"Yeah."  She lowered her gaze again to her hand and picked out a few more quiet notes on the piano.  "I shouldn't have drank at all.  But I just... I don't know.  I just needed to, last night.  And with Danny... well, old habits."

"A little whiskey-and-whine therapy, huh?"

Cate's response was a pained half-smile.  "Cheaper than a shrink.  And a fifth lasts longer than an hour."

Jon nodded slowly.  "True.  I've done my share of waking up in hotel rooms with an empty bottle on the floor next to the bed."

Cate gave him another sidelong glance before picking out a few more notes.  "Did it ever work?"

"Made me forget about shit for awhile.  But it always came back in the morning."  Jon snorted half-remorsefully, watching Cate's slender fingers on the piano keys.  His gaze settled on the gold circle around her ring finger and he felt a tiny pang of ancient guilt.  "And sometimes it was still asleep next to me."

The comment made Cate stop and turn to give Jon a serious look.

"Nothing happened, Jon.  We just talked, then I fell asleep.  On the couch."

"I know."  His reply was gentle and immediate.  He hadn't meant to sound jealous.  "I trust you.  Both of you.  And I knew Danny would take care of you."

"Yeah."

"Speaking of Danny... does he still wanna kick my ass?"  Jon chortled huskily, trying to lighten the moment. 

Cate's lips twisted wryly at his question.

"He was just trying to protect me.  You know how he is.  My self-appointed Big Brother."

"I know.  But Big Brother or not, he was fucking with the wrong Italian."

Cate chuckled quietly at Jon's Jersey pronunciation of his ethnicity:  "EYE-talian."  She again turned her face to his and gave him a grateful smile.  "You woulda fought to protect my honor, huh?"

"You bet I woulda."

"That's sweet.  You probably would have lost, but..."

Jon snorted quietly, not willing to admit his agreement.  He had no doubt Danny could easily take him in a fight.

"So... aside from him being pissed at me over what I said on the phone... how is Danny?"

"He's not pissed at you."  Cate dropped her hand from the keys to her lap, sighing softly. "He's good.  Great, actually." 

Her answer was unenthusiastic.  Silently she leaned toward Jon, Cate's head bowing as their shoulders touched.  "He... he's going to be a Daddy.  Again.  Charity's pregnant."

Her quiet revelation stunned him.  Jon's lips parted in a soft gasp, then he quickly recovered.  His heart squeezed with sympathetic understanding. 

No wonder she had needed a drink.  This painfully wonderful news must have hit Cate hard.  Hard enough to make her crumble, to fall off the wagon.  Hard enough to make her pour out her soul to the one person she knew she could unfailingly trust with her fragile heart.

It was an uncomfortable truth, but in the wee hours of his restless night Jon had admitted what he always knew:  his wife would never trust him in the same way she trusted Danny.  Now that reality was evident.  Though Jon hadn't realized it in the heat of the moment, Danny had been right.  Last night Cate had needed her friend more than she needed her husband. 

As angry as he had been, Jon now felt a wave of gratitude for Danny's unflinching loyalty.   

Jon's arm slid around Cate's waist, a subtle comfort.  He turned to murmur against her hair before pressing a kiss against the crown of her head.

"That's wonderful.  They must be excited."

"Yeah."  Her reply was half-choked, but she didn't move. 

Together Jon and Cate sat quiet for a moment, sharing silent commiseration.  When Jon spoke his voice was gently hopeful.

"It's funny, you know."

"What?"

"How sometimes lives of friends parallel each other.  Something happens for one, then next thing you know it happens the other one.  Like us getting married, then Danny & Charity."  He didn't further elaborate; the curve of his lips revealing his positive intent.

Cate's reply was simply a tired sigh.  She raised her hand to tug back a handful of copper hair from her face, then raised her head to look at Jon.  He could see in her eyes she didn't want to discuss the painful topic further.

"Your note said you were writing."

"I am."

She gave him a weak smile.  "Hey Jude?"

Jon chortled softly, going along with her change of subject.  "Yeah, well.  I wasn't getting anywhere with that..."  He nodded his head in the direction of a large chair, upon which rested his ebony Takamine.  "I started getting pissed off so thought I'd try the piano, see if she wanted to give me anything today."

Cate half-whispered a husky chuckle at his female characterization of the piano.  "And?"

"Nothin'.  It just ain't comin' today."  Jon slipped his arm from around Cate's waist and raised his hands to the keys.  A warm chord sang from the piano with the press of his fingers.  "So... just thought I'd play a little, whatever came to mind.  Lord knows I can use the practice."

Cate nodded and dropped her gaze to Jon's hands, a long strand of mahogany slipping again over her shoulder and brushing her cheek.  Her lips pursed and she watched quietly as Jon picked out a familiar tune on the keyboard.

"So, I was thinkin'..." Jon spoke quietly over his accompaniment, as if his thoughts were a preamble to a song.  "You feel like going out for a bite?" He gave her a sideways glance.  "Or are you not quite up to eating yet?"

That drew another quiet chuckle from Cate.  "I ate a little before I left Philly."

"Hash browns?"  Jon smirked knowingly.  His wife swore by starchy carbohydrates and tomato juice as a hangover remedy.

"Half a bagel.  Well, not quite half."  She gave him a sheepish sidelong half-smile.  "And a Motrin and plenty of water."

"You wanna wait awhile, then?  Maybe grab a shower, then go later?"

"Mmmm..." Cate hummed softly as she thought, her eyes again following the movement of Jon's fingers over the piano keys.  The music was soothing.  Unconsciously she exhaled, her posture slouching a bit.  "Yeah, sure."

"I was thinking Racetrack Diner."

"Sounds good."

"Then maybe we can do a little shopping in town."

Cate shrugged.  "If you want."

"And there's something I wanted to talk to you about."

She glanced sideways at him again, her expression sobering.  Cate knew Jon was going to bring up the topic they had agreed to discuss today, the future of their fertility journey.  She just wasn't ready to think about it so soon.   She swallowed hard before answering calmly.

"Oh?"

"MmmHmm....."  Jon stopped playing, stilling his hands on the keys.  He turned his face to hers, his blue eyes shining in the room's warm light.  Cate's heart twinged guiltily as she saw the tiredness in those eyes; the lines at their corners and shadows beneath them a little deeper than usual.

"I was thinking, on the plane."  Jon dropped his hands onto his thighs, rubbing his palms absently against the worn denim.  "About maybe doing something different for Spring Break."

His comment caught Cate off-guard.   Her blue eyes widened, then she gave her head a little shake, forcing herself to focus.

"Umm... What?"

Jon smirked amusedly, reading her surprise.  He could feel her apprehension about the more intimate topics they needed to discuss.  They had promised to address those today, together.  But they could wait a little while.

"Well, it's just gonna be us and the Chuckleheads.  So I was thinking maybe we shouldn't go to Saint Barth."  He chortled softly at her further-befuddled expression.  "I mean, I know the boys love the beach, but it ain't really a vacation place for kids.  It's more for us grown-ups."

"Uh... yeah.  I guess so."

"And with it being Spring Break it's gonna be crawling with people on holiday.  Especially celebrities."  Jon's smile faded to a sneer.  "And fucking paparazzi."

"Oh."  Cate read the memory in his expression.  Her mouth curved downward as she recalled their most recent trip to the Islands and the resulting tabloid splash.  "Yeah.  You're right."

"Plus, if it's just us and the boys we couldn't really go out and experience the night life, ya know?  We couldn't just leave them home alone, and I don't wanna drag Claudia along to babysit."

Cate nodded her agreement. While the Nanny was a lovely young woman, Cate always felt a little uncomfortable when Claudia accompanied them on family outings.

"So, the whole trip would be pretty much just us stuck on the beach and at the villa."  Jon smiled.  Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, but I think Jake and Romeo will be bored after about two days."

"Yeah."  Cate sat up a little straighter, now starting to follow Jon's train of thought.  "So... what do you want to do, then?"

"Go someplace more family-friendly.  Definitely someplace warm.  With a beach."  Jon grinned, his weary eyes sparkling.  "Florida."

Cate nodded slowly.  "Okay... yeah.  But Jon, you do realize it's Spring Break.  Half the college students in America are gonna be on the beaches in Florida.  And not acting in a particularly... family friendly... way."  Her lips twitched upward with a memory flash of her own long-ago Spring Break adventures. 

"Oh, I know."  Jon chuckled, encouraged by her reaction.  "I didn't mean Panama City or somewhere like that.  I was thinking somewhere else.  Someplace happy.  Maybe... the Happiest Place on Earth?"

That made her snort.  "Disney?  Seriously?"  Cate shook her head slowly.  "That's almost worse than the beaches during Spring Break.  God, the crowds...  And once somebody notices you, word gets out you're there..."  Cate grimaced through her smile.   

"Correct me if I'm wrong, SpyGirl,"  Jon's voice was playfully chastising.  "But didn't you teach me one of the best places to hide is in a crowd?"

"You're not doing a surveillance, Jon."  Cate couldn't help but chuckle at his challenge.  "And good luck trying to stay low-profile with Jake and Romeo."

Jon laughed warmly, moving a hand from his thigh to hers.  "Okay, so we just wear hats and dark glasses and pretend they're somebody else's kids when they act like little Spazzes."   He waited for her chuckle of agreement before giving her hand a squeeze.  "We're just a normal, all-American family, ya know."

Cate looked down at Jon's hand on her lap, smiling as she shook her head.  "Well, I don't know about that..."

"So it's okay with you?  If we don't go to Saint Barth?"

Cate looked up at him, and her heart warmed at his hopeful smile.  "Sure.  Jon, it's your time with your boys.  Whatever you want to do is fine with me." 

Jon leaned to brush a kiss over her cheek, then nuzzled against her ear.  "It's our time.  With our boys," he corrected her gently.

She nodded slightly, but didn't reply.  Jon waited for a moment, then gave her ear another nuzzle before drawing back.

"So, Saturday's Romey's birthday party.  I thought maybe we'd take Sunday to pack, then hit the road Monday.  Sound good?"

Cate gave him a quizzical look.  "Sure.  I guess I can get online later and book us a hotel..."

Jon shook his head and gave her hand another gentle squeeze.  "Nah.  I'll call Renee and have her take care of all of that.  She has connections.  I'll tell her to find us a place on one of the resorts.  And I figure we'll just stop along the way at whatever motel we can find."

He grinned at the surprise in her wide-eyed expression as his last comment sunk in.

"Ah... wha...... motel?  Along the way?"  Cate stammered her question.

Jon nodded, a merry twinkle now filling his azure eyes.  "Yeah.  No private jet this time.  I think what this family needs is a good ol'-fashioned road trip.  Just Mom and Pop and the kids in the Family Truckster."  He chuckled gleefully.  "Whaddya say, Baby?  We can be the Griswolds.  Minus the panel wagon and the dead aunt strapped to the luggage rack."

"Oh... my God."  Cate laughed her reply at his reference to the infamous National Lampoon comedy.   A disbelieving grin dimpled her cheeks.  "You can't be serious."

"As a heart attack, Baby."  Jon nodded eagerly.  "The boys will love it.  And we can just take our time, stop along the way to see shit like the world's biggest ball of twine."

"I think that's in Kansas, Jon.  Not on I-95."

"Okay, so maybe not the world's biggest ball of twine.  But I'm sure there will be some cool stuff along the way.  A real slice of Americana."  Jon gave her a wink.  "It'll be an adventure.  For all of us."

"Oh, I'm sure it will be."  Cate couldn't hide the hint of sarcasm in her reply.  She was already picturing Jon's younger sons squirming restlessly in the back seat of the Navigator.

"Well okay then."  Jon nodded with finality before he leaned in to press another kiss against her cheek. He pulled back with a smile.  "So it's settled.  Spring Break Road Trip."

Cate's heart melted at the excitement in Jon's gleaming indigo eyes.  She swallowed her trepidation and nodded her agreement.  If this was what he wanted to do for his boys, then of course she would support him in the endeavor.

"Sure.  Sounds fun."

"It will be, Baby."  Jon gave her hand a pat, then he raised both his hands again to the keys.  "Okay, so... I'm gonna work a little more here, then we'll head to the diner, yeah?  You need to go freshen up?"  His fingers moved absently over the keys as Jon spoke, a soft accompaniment to his query.

"Umm... okay.  But..."  Cate's expression gentled as she realized she didn't want to leave him quite yet.  She had been apprehensive about facing Jon after last night's showdown, but now she wasn't eager for another separation. 

 "You mind if I stay and listen, just for a little bit?  I know you don't like people around when you're working, but..."

The tenderness in Jon's smile nearly made her crumble.

"Of course you can stay.  I love to play for my wife."  Jon leaned again to touch his lips to Cate's in a sweet caress.  Her heart squeezed as she tasted his forgiveness for last night's disappointment.  She sighed softly as they parted. 

Cate leaned away from Jon's shoulder as he straightened on the bench, then he pressed his fingers to the keys in a trio of chords.  He turned his head to give her a loving smile. 

"This one popped into my head earlier.  When I was thinking about you, waiting for you to come home.  It's an old one, kinda.  Billy Joel."  He shrugged modestly.  "I'm not sure I remember all the notes or the words, but... Well, here goes."

Cate nodded silently, returning his smile.  He turned his attention back to his hands, concentrating on the keys.  Jon noodled out a melody for a second then raised his head, his expression softening with the reverent lyrics that slipped from his lips.

She waits for me at night

She waits for me in silence

She gives me all her tenderness

And takes away my pain

And so far she hasn't run

Though I swear she's had her moments

She still believes in miracles

While others cry in vain

It's all about soul

It's all about faith and a deeper devotion

It's all about soul

'Cause under the love is a stronger emotion

She's gotta be strong

With so many things gettin' out of control

Should drive her away

But why does she stay

It's all about soul

Cate felt her eyes moisten as the words touched her heart.  Like so many people, when he was introspective Jon turned to music for expression, whether the words be his own or somebody else's.  On days of frustration he would bang out angry chords on the piano or belt out rebellious choruses.  On melancholy days longing notes and phrases floated through the house.  And on days when he wondered, about life, love, or the world, Jon somehow found the right soundtrack to his musings.  He of all people knew and embraced the power of music. 

Watching his tender expression, it dawned on Cate why Jon's heart had led him to this song today.  It was a lyrical articulation of how he still thought of her despite the imperfections of their relationship.  He  understood, and he still believed in her.

The realization shored her fragile confidence, salved her wounded soul.  After the adversity and disappointment and heartache of the past months, somehow Jon still saw in her what Cate feared she had lost.

Strength.

Cate blinked back her tears as her lips curved gratefully.  Jon smiled tenderly when he saw her reaction.  He continued with a hint of huskiness in his voice.

She turns to me sometimes

And she asks me what I'm dreaming

And I realize I must have gone

A million miles away

And I ask her how she knew

To reach out to me at that moment

And she smiles because it's understood

There are no words to say

It's all about soul

It's all about knowing what someone is feeling

My Baby's got soul

The power of love and the power of healing

This life isn't fair

It's gonna get dark, it's gonna get cold

You've gotta be tough, but that ain't enough

It's all about soul

Cate sniffled and tipped her head to rest on Jon's shoulder.  A tear slid down her cheek as her arm slid behind Jon's back, her hand curving around his hip.

Na na na na na na na na

It's all about soul

Na na na na na na na na

Whooa-oa-oah...

His voice gentling on the extended note of the bridge, Jon stopped playing.  He tipped his head against Cate's, then circled his arm around her waist and pulled her close.  He smiled as she nestled her cheek to his shoulder and wrapped her other arm across his abdomen, encircling him in a grateful embrace.  Jon's blue eyes misted with happy emotion as he pressed a kiss against her hair, then continued in a soft a capella croon.

Na na na na na na na na.....