TWO

Cate blew out a long breath, willing herself to relax.  She shifted uncomfortably on the vinyl-covered table, then stared moodily at the ceiling.  The flimsy paper covering her rustled with her movement.

“Just a minute more, Cate,” the calm voice reassured her.  “Then we’ll be done.”

Cate snorted softly.  “Until next week, you mean?”

Dr. Seuss chuckled quietly.  “Hopefully longer.  I’m running everything I can think of in this panel.  We should get some answers this time.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that line before, Doc.”

The gynecologist smirked as she picked up a trio of long, cotton-tipped swabs.  “I know.  But hey, occasionally we hit the right number when we throw the dart at the diagnostic board.”

Cate couldn’t help but smile at Dr. Seuss’ gentle sarcasm.  “Gave up on the Magic Eight Ball, did ya?”

“Uh huh.  Damned thing kept telling me everybody had gonorrhea.”   Dr. Seuss extracted the swabs and, one by one, swiped their soiled cotton heads carefully across the glass slides on the steel tray at her side.  She smiled as she heard Cate’s quiet laugh in response.  “Okay, we’re done.”

“Thank God,” Cate sighed.  She grunted softly as she felt the gynecologist remove metal speculum , then pull the drape over her knees.  Slipping her feet from the stirrups, Cate slowly pushed herself up on the exam table until she was sitting.

“I know, it’s not fun.  But given your history of abnormal paps, I just wanted to do one more exam to be sure we’re all clear.”  Dr. Seuss gave Cate a motherly smile.  “Everything looks normal, I didn’t note any irregularities during the pelvic.”

“Good.” Cate nodded down at the cotton ball taped to the bend of her elbow.  “And that gallon of blood I’ve given you over the past couple days?”

“Will tell us if you’re ovulating normally.”  Dr. Seuss reached for the electronic tablet that rested on a nearby counter.  She tapped a few buttons and quickly scanned the display, brushing her finger lightly over the screen as she read.  “You’ve been diligent in charting your menstrual cycle and recording your basal body temperature, as well as documenting intercourse.   In clinical detail.”   The doctor paused and looked up at Cate, giving her a little wink.  “I’d expect nothing less from someone in your line of work.”

Cate shrugged, smiling sheepishly.  “Well, information is the most valuable weapon.”

“Well put,” Dr. Seuss chortled.  “From what I see here, it appears you and your husband are doing everything right.   So we just need to figure out where the glitch is.”

“Glitch, huh?” Cate picked at the tape on her arm, freeing the cotton ball and peeling it away from her skin to reveal a small red puncture wound over the shadow of a vein.  “Is that the technical term now?”

Dr. Seuss detected the note of bitterness in her patient’s half-playful reply.  “Cate, though it may seem counterintuitive, if these tests show something it’s actually a good thing.  They will tell us what to treat.  That’s a step in the right direction.”

“And if the tests don’t show any abnormalities?”

“Then we’ll talk about the next step.”  The doctor reached out to pat her patient’s knee.  “But one thing at a time.  For now, you and Jon just keep doing what you’re doing.  Sometimes practice really does make perfect.”  She gave Cate a reassuring smile.

Cate replied with a wry smirk.  “Even for us Old Folks, huh?”

“Yep.  Even for you Old Farts.”  Dr. Seuss chuckled, her heart warming as a smile lit her patient’s face.  It was the first genuine one she had seen from Cate in some time.  “Listen.  I know it’s hard, but try not to worry.  I’ll see you and Jon on Friday, then we’ll know what’s what.”

“You’ll have his test results then too?”

“I should, assuming he submitted his sample today?”  The doctor looked back at her tablet, tapping the screen until a calendar appeared.

Cate nodded.  “He did.  He called me as he was leaving the clinic this morning.  Complained about the porn.”

Dr. Seuss grinned.  “Of course he did.  I’ll pass on his concerns to Dr. Klein.”

Cate sighed and her smile softened.  “Thanks, Jane.  I just… it’s just been a rough few months.”

“I know, Cate.  This can be a frustrating process, especially for women trying for their first child.”  Dr. Seuss set the tablet aside and rose from her perch on a roller-footed stool.  “You’re a Cop.  Try to think of it like one of your investigations:  We have to look at the clues and and the prime suspects.  Follow all the leads, gather all the evidence.” 

She gave Cate a cheeky grin and a wink.  “And hopefully, at the end of the process you get to squeeze something the size of a basketball out of an opening the size of your fist.”

Cate giggled as she involuntarily winced.  “Gee, thanks Doc.  Now that you put it that way…”

The doctor laughed softly and offered her hand to her patient.  “Hang in there, Cate.  We’ll know more come Friday.  Now get dressed and go home to that handsome husband of yours.”

Cate nodded and clasped her hand around the older woman’s, giving it a little squeeze along with a firm shake.  “Thanks, Jane.”

She watched the doctor exit the room, closing the heavy door behind her.  Then with a weary sigh Cate slid off the exam table and reached for her clothes.

*****

Jon looked up in surprise at the loud click of the front door opening.  He dropped the magazine onto his lap and craned his neck to look over the back of the couch toward the foyer.

“Hey, you.” Jon gave his wife a warm smile when she stepped into view.  “Thought you were gonna call me when you were on your way?”

“Oh…”  Cate’s shoulders slumped as she sighed heavily.  “Goddammit.  I’m sorry, Jon.  I forgot.”  She dropped her heavy satchel on the floor next to the hall tree and tossed her keys on the small marble-topped table before turning to give him an apologetic half-smile.  “I don’t know where my head is today.”

Jon tossed his magazine on the cocktail table and pushed himself up from the leather couch.  Rounding the end of the sofa, he stopped and held out his arms.  “C’mere,” he ordered gently.

Silently Cate crossed the room to him, her gaze cast downward and her expression glum.  She didn’t look up when she reached him, letting her husband enfold her in his embrace.  Cate’s arms slid around Jon’s waist and her eyes closed as her cheek settled against his chest.  She sighed again as she hugged him tightly.

“Everything okay?”  Jon murmured against Cate’s hair before dropping a kiss on the crown of her head. 

Cate nodded slowly, her cheek brushing against the soft knit of Jon’s sweater.  “I guess so.”

“Your appointment with Jane?” Jon prodded gently.  He knew Cate probably didn’t feel great after having yet another intimate exam, but it wasn’t her physical discomfort he was concerned about.

“Fine.” Cate mumbled.  “Nothing out of the ordinary.  Just more smears and another pelvic. Plus more blood work.”  She chuckled half-heartedly.  “I feel like a damned pincushion after these past few days.”

Jon chortled softly and gave her another squeeze.  “Sorry, Baby.  You’re definitely getting the worst end of this deal.”

His comforting rumble under Cate’s ear made her smile.  “Fuck.  I’m sorry.  I don’t mean to be a whiner.”

“S’okay.  You’re entitled.”  Jon pulled back a bit as Cate raised her head to look at him for the first time since her arrival.  His heart twinged as he saw the dark circles under her tired, slate-grey eyes.  Cate’s eyes had always been the portal to her soul, the one place she couldn’t hide her emotions from him.  It had been a long time since they had swirled and sparkled deep sapphire with contentment.

Jon ducked his head to brush his nose against hers and gave her a sweet smile.  “Let me order up something from Nico’s.  I’ll have ‘em rush it.”

“I’m not really hungry.  But go ahead and get something for yourself.”  Cate pulled a hand from Jon’s waist and raised it to his chest.  Her gaze dropped to her hand as she idly caressed the soft fabric of his sweater with her fingertips.  “You shouldn’t have waited on me to eat.”

“I’m ordering something for both of us,” Jon replied firmly.  “I know you’re tired, but you gotta eat.”  He raised his hand to cover Cate’s against his chest.  “How about chicken piccata?  With angel hair? And a side of those roasted vegetables you like?”

Cate nodded slowly, then raised her face to Jon’s.  She saw the concern in his expression and gave him a little smile.  Her appetite had left her as she waited in Dr. Seuss’ exam room, but she knew Jon would just worry more if she refused his offer.

“Actually, that sounds good.”

“That’s My Girl.  I’ll call now.”  Jon brushed his lips across Cate’s and gave her hand a little squeeze, then stepped away and strode for the kitchen.

Cate sighed softly and wandered around the end of the sofa.  She paused to kick off her shoes, then sank down onto the soft leather with a weary groan.  She stared blankly ahead for a moment, not really seeing her surroundings as once again her mind drifted to the place she didn’t want it to go.

Dammit, you HAVE to stop it, Cate silently chastised herself.  Jane’s right:  there’s nothing more you can do right now.  Quit worrying and stick to The Plan.  She snorted with frustration and gave her head a toss, as if to physically dislodge the dark thoughts from her brain.

Cate closed her eyes and took a deep breath, held it for a second, then slowly released it as she counted to ten.  She repeated the calming technique twice more, then opened her eyes.  She sat still as gradually her senses tuned in to her surroundings.  A little smile lifted the corners of her mouth as she noticed the evidence that Jon had been waiting for her.

A fire crackled quietly in the fireplace, warming the big room more with its light than with its heat.  Flickering flames mirrored the fire’s dance on the wicks of candles Jon had set out on the cocktail table’s slate top.  Next to the tray of candles sat an open bottle of Pinot Noir and two glasses, one half-filled and the other empty.  Cate chuckled softly to herself as she noticed the ghostly print of Jon’s lower lip against the rim of the charged glass, dimly visible in the room’s soft light.

Cate heard Jon’s voice from the kitchen, calm and smooth as he placed their dinner order.  She smiled in spite of herself.  Even though they had now spent years together that voice still got to her, still made her swoon.

With another quiet sigh Cate let her gaze wander around the room.  It was almost pristinely tidy; the cleaning staff had come in today.  There was no remaining evidence of the weekend visit from Jon’s rambunctious younger sons.   Jake and Romeo often left a path of minor destruction in their wake, usually in the form of sticky fingerprints, discarded juice pouches, broken crayon fragments, stray Lego blocks, and crumbs of various, often unidentifiable, varieties.

Cate smiled wistfully.  The best part of having the boys here was Jon’s reaction to them.  Nothing melted her heart like watching her husband with his children.  And nothing broke her heart like the sadness in his eyes when he had to say goodbye to them after returning them to their mother.

Nothing except the thought of not being able to give Jon what he wanted more than anything:  Another child.

She squinted her eyes shut against her threatening tears.