NINETEEN

Cate sighed wearily as she sank down onto the plush sofa.   She folded her tired legs beneath her and took a sip of her tea before reaching to set her mug on the nearby cocktail table.   She grunted as her lower back twinged, reminding her that a rest was long overdue.

Across the room shadowy figures moved across the movie screen.  It took Cate a moment to recognize the film, then she smiled.  She knew who had chosen this movie.

Cate’s gaze turned to the massive overstuffed armchair to the right of the couch, fully expecting the sight she found there.  John Senior’s thick silver mane shone softly in the darkness, the only part of him immediately visible as he sat burrowed in the huge chair.  His legs stretched out onto the tasseled ottoman, draped by a mink blanket.  A soft snore rumbled from the motionless mass of upholstery and fabric, barely audible over the movie’s dialogue.

Cate chuckled quietly and reached for a throw pillow.  She fluffed the plump cushion and settled it against the armrest of the sofa before shifting to recline against it.  A small yawn escaped her as she relaxed.  At this rate it wouldn’t be long before she joined her father-in-law in an early slumber.

She stared blankly at the movie screen, her eyes following the movement of the images while her mind drifted idly back over the day’s events.

She and Jon had started their day with a shared workout and a light breakfast before setting about the tasks to prepare the Thanksgiving feast.  Despite his playful protestations Jon had been a cheerful and willing assistant, helping her clean and chop vegetables, peeling potatoes, and serving as taste-tester for the pumpkin cheesecake dessert.  He had also vigorously applied his talent for dishwashing, helping Cate clear the mess and ensure the kitchen was spotless before the late-afternoon arrival of the Bongiovi clan.

Stephanie had been the first to show, with Brendan in tow.  While her father playfully harassed her boyfriend, Steph had helped Cate set out the appetizers before her mother, aunt, and brothers made their appearance an hour later.  Carol and John Senior had been practically on Dorothea’s heels, along with Matt and Tony and their families.  The house quickly filled with spirited conversation, raucous laughter, and the noisy din of televised football.

Once everyone had arrived and Dorothea and Linda made their departure, the Big Boys assembled in front of the screen while the Little Boys tore through the main floor in a wild game of chase.  The first half of the football game kept the men distracted while the women put the finishing touches on the meal.

Cate had bitten her tongue more than once as Carol kept up a constant stream of overly-friendly questioning and commentary.  When halftime arrived and they sat down at the table to share their Thanksgiving feast, the thing Cate was most thankful for was a respite from Jon’s mother.

After dinner came coffee and dessert and clean-up.  Cate had kept one longing eye on the football game as she performed her hostess duties, secretly wishing she was settled on the couch with a beer and the men.  But she had wanted this to be a traditional family gathering, like the ones she remembered from her childhood.  That meant her place today was, by choice, in the kitchen.

When Jon wandered into the kitchen with a kiss and an offer of help, she gave him a grateful smile but sent him back to the couch.    Cate just couldn’t bring herself to interrupt the intergenerational male ritual of Thanksgiving Day football.  It wasn’t all that often that Jon got to spend time with his father, sons, brothers, and nephews all together.

Jon had protested mildly before wrapping her in a hug.  He grinned slyly as his hand slid over her belly, lingering there for a long, meaningful moment before he released her and headed back to the living room.  Cate had held her breath when she turned around to face her mother-in-law, praying that Jon’s gesture had gone unnoticed.  Thankfully, Carol was busy chattering to Stephanie and seemed to have missed the exchange.

After the Cowboys went down in defeat the Bongiovi family turned to another tradition – Game Night.  Cate had thoroughly enjoyed hilarious rounds of Pictionary and charades with all the members of Jon’s family, young and old.  Though the Bongiovis had always been cordial to her, for the first time since she married into the family Cate felt as if she was not just accepted as Jon’s wife, she was welcomed.  The sense of inclusion warmed her heart almost as much as Jon’s sweet smile warmed her soul.

Finally, after much food, drink, and laughter, Jon’s brothers gathered their families and made their departures.  Stephanie and Brendan headed out to meet up with friends and Jesse slunk away, up to his room.  While Cate cleaned up a final batch of dishes and put away the remains of dessert, Jon and Carol herded Jake and Romeo upstairs for bed.

And now, the last task done, Cate finally had a chance to relax.

For about a minute.

A long, dramatic sigh preceded Jon’s entrance.  “Holy Christ,” he moaned dramatically as he rounded the sofa.  “They’re so fucking sugared up they may never sleep.  I may need you to go taze ‘em.”

Cate giggled at Jon’s request.  “Sorry, my Taser’s in the car.  And you can thank your mother… she’s the one who kept giving them ‘just one more’ cookie.  About five times.”

Jon flopped down onto the couch beside Cate with a groan.  “Yeah, well… that’s why she’s up there reading to Romeo.  Maybe she can calm him down.”

Cate snickered but held her tongue.  She wasn’t completely sure Jon’s father was fully asleep, and she didn’t need to incite trouble by making a flip comment about her mother-in-law.

Jon stretched out his legs, propping his feet on the cocktail table fronting the sofa.  He raised an arm, beckoning to his wife.  “C’mere.”

Cate gave Jon an amused smile but didn’t move from her comfortable position.  “You may have to go back up there, you know.  Carol may need backup.”

Jon snorted.  “Yeah, right.  That lady raised three wild-ass sons.  She can hold her own against the Chuckleheads.”  Again he crooked a finger at Cate.  “I just wanna hold my own against you.”

“Ha, ha.” Cate chortled at Jon’s corny joke but did his bidding, abandoning her pillow to snuggle under his arm and against his side.  She sighed contentedly as her cheek came to rest against Jon’s shoulder.

“Thanks, Baby.”  Jon pressed a kiss against her hair.  “The dinner was great.  Hell, the whole day was fantastic.  You done good.”

Cate smiled gently.  “Hope the rest of the family enjoyed it as much as you did.”  She couldn’t hide a tiny waver of insecurity in her voice.

“You kidding me?  They loved it.” Jon squeezed his arm around Cate’s shoulders.  “It’s been a long damned time since we were all together for Turkey Day.  Just the family.  Hell, I think the last time was before…”  Jon let his words trail off as he realized what he was about to say.

“Before you and Dorothea separated,” Cate finished quietly.  “I know.  Your mother pointed that out.  Kept saying how strange it was not to have her here.”

Jon sighed.  “Cate… You know the deal with her and Dorothea.  I’m sorry.  Of course she couldn’t keep her yap shut.”  His voice held a bitter edge.

“Not your fault.”  Cate sighed softly against his shoulder.  “She’s gonna say what she’s gonna say.  I just have to let it go in one ear and out the other.”

Jon craned his neck to look down at his wife’s face.  “What else did she say?”  He could tell from Cate’s resigned response that there was more.

Cate shook her head slightly.  “Nothing.  Not to me, anyway.  She just kept telling Stephanie how she feels so old and irrelevant, now that all the kids are growing up.  How they all just want to play video games and talk on their phones and not spend any time with their Grandmother.  And how last time everyone was together here all the kids were so little.  How she misses having babies around.”

Jon winced slightly despite his quiet chuckle.  “Well, I guess she does have a point, melodramatics aside.  The kids are bigger and more in their own worlds.  Hanging out with Granny ain’t exactly their idea of fun.”  He paused and glanced toward his slumbering father before continuing, more quietly.  “And I’m sure the baby comment wasn’t directed at you, Babe.  It was just her typical rambling.”

Cate nodded.  “Oh, I know.  Believe me, Jon, I know.”  Her voice dropped to a snarky half-whisper.  “Probably the last thing she wants is for me to have your child.  That means I’m here to stay.”

“You are here to stay,” Jon replied firmly, giving her another squeeze.  “She’s just gonna have to accept that.  Only in her delusional little fantasies will Dorothea and I ever get back together.  We’ve both moved on.  Fuck, it’s been over five years now.”

“I know.”  Cate sighed and shifted her position, sitting up straighter beside Jon.  “I just ignore her.  It’s all I can do.”

“Want me to talk to her?”

“No.  That will just make her think she’s getting her point across.”

Jon nodded slowly.  “Yeah… I guess you’re right.  But you shouldn’t have to put up with her shit, Cate.”

“Sticks and stones, Jonny.”  Cate gave her husband a resigned smile.  “I’ve dealt with worse.  And as long as I put up with you, isn’t that what matters?”

“Yeah, guess so.”  Jon chortled huskily.  He smiled at Cate for a long moment, his heart squeezing with affection.  She gazed back at him, her sapphire eyes glowing in the dusky half-light.

A raspy snore interrupted their moment.  Cate giggled as Jon slowly turned his head toward the sound.

“Dad?  Hey…. POP!”  Jon half-shouted the last syllable.

A series of little snuffles emanated from the chair, followed by a low grunt.  “Huh?”

“Pop, you’re snoring.  Why dontcha go to bed?”

“Mmmm.”   A long silence followed.

“Dad?”

Cate smiled at the one-sided exchange between Jon and his father.  She didn’t mind John Senior’s presence, or his snoring.  But she certainly wouldn’t say no to a little privacy if that’s what Jon wanted.

“DAD!”

“Mmmmfff… What?”

Jon rolled his eyes and sat forward on the sofa, pulling his arm from around Cate in the process.  “Dad, go to bed.  Mom’s already upstairs.”

“Mmmm Hmmm…”  John Senior stirred as he sleepily responded to his son’s order.  “Movie over?”

“Yeah.”  Jon didn’t bother to reach for the remote to cover his lie.  “It’s over.  You can watch it again tomorrow.”

“ ‘Kay.”  Slowly the older man emerged from the massive chair, first pushing away the ottoman with his foot then easing himself upright.  He scrubbed his hands over his face, then through his hair.  “You kids staying up?”

Cate chuckled softly at John Senior’s question.  She and Jon were hardly ‘kids,’ but that didn’t seem to matter to the elder Bongiovi.

“Yeah, Dad, for awhile.  See you in the morning, okay?”  Jon’s tone was firm and dismissive, the voice he often used with his own sons.

“Yeah.”  With a little groan John Senior heaved himself out of the chair.  He paused unsteadily for a moment, then shuffled over to the couch.  “ ‘Night, Son.  Good night, Cate.”

“Good night, John.”  Cate smiled as her father-in-law leaned down to plant a kiss against her cheek.  “Happy Thanksgiving.”

“You too, Sweetheart.”  John Senior gave Cate a tired smile and a wink, then stood upright.  “Night, Johnny.”  He reached to tousle Jon’s hair before turning for the door.

“G’Night, Dad.”  Jon shook his head and grinned despite himself, his father’s unconscious gesture warming his heart.  He turned to watch the older man shuffle through the dimly-lit  room, hoping he would make safe passage to the front stairs.  When John Senior finally disappeared through the arched doorway, Jon turned back to his smiling wife.

“Finally… We’re alone.”  He sank back against the cushions with a long sigh.

Cate nodded and reached for the electronic tablet that controlled the room’s extensive audiovisual system.  “You want to turn this off?”

“Yeah.  Just put on some music.  Unless you wanna watch something.”

Cate shook her head as she tapped at the touch-screen.  The big screen went dark, then with another touch of a button, quietly lowered into the floor.  Seconds later soulful strains of saxophone and piano drifted from the speakers circling the family room.

Cate reached to place the control tablet on the cocktail table, then settled back beside Jon on the sofa. He again enfolded her in his embrace, sighing contentedly at the feel of her beside him.

“So, tomorrow… You going shopping with Stephanie?”  Jon smiled as he asked the question, already knowing the answer.

Cate chuckled quietly.  “Umm… No.  No way.  Black Friday ain’t my scene.”

“Didn’t think so.”

“What do you plan to do with the boys?”

“Well, you know Sunday we’re all going to the Giants game:  Me, Pop, Jess, and the Terror Twins.  Other than that I think we’re just gonna hang out around here.  Maybe take the boat out on the river if it’s not too cold.  Dad would probably like that.”

“Sounds fun.”

“You can come along, you know.”

Cate shrugged.  “We’ll see.  I may just stay here and work on a few things.”

Jon frowned.  “Work?  Cate, you’re not serious.  It’s a holiday weekend.”

“Not work work,” Cate clarified.  “Just some projects.  I want to get all those old photos and albums sorted out, I need to do some online research for Christmas presents, and I need to get some stuff in order for the Christmas party.”  She smiled.  “Kinda looking forward to just being a homebody this weekend, before things get crazy again.”

“Actually, I kinda like that idea too, being a homebody.”

Cate snorted softly.  “Yeah, sure.  You know you’re gonna end up in the studio at least once.”

Jon grinned sheepishly.  “Probably.  But not for long, I promise.”   He gave Cate a gentle squeeze.  “So, speaking of crazy… what’s going on with you next week?”

Cate sighed.  “I’m back to Trenton early Monday.  But probably just for the day.  After that, who knows?  A lot’s up in the air right now.”  She slid a hand over Jon’s thigh, her fingertip tracing a random pattern across the worn denim of his jeans.  “How about you?”

“Writing.  I’m gonna stay out here, most likely.  I want to lay down some new tracks this week, while I have a few days open.”

“Do you have to go back out to L.A. for more meetings about the series?”

“Yeah, on the fifth.  I’ll probably fly out the day before.”  Jon squirmed lightly at the tickle of Cate’s finger moving over his thigh.  “And don’t we have that museum benefit thing this week sometime?”

“Ahh… shit.” Cate groaned.  “Yeah, you’re right.  It’s Friday.  I totally forgot.”

Jon chuckled.  He knew Cate didn’t particularly enjoy attending society events, though she gamely went along with him in support of good causes.  “Just think of it as Date Night, Baby.  We’ll get all dressed up, do the red carpet bullshit, put in our appearance, then duck out early and go have a nice, quiet dinner together.”

“Okay.”  Cate’s acquiescence was more a sigh than a word.

“And then the next Friday I think I’m in D.C. for meetings.”  Jon frowned slightly as he tried to recall his agenda for the month.  “You wanna come down with me for the day?”

“Hmm… maybe.  We’ll see what’s going on at work.  I have a feeling I’m gonna be spending a lot of time in Trenton and Newark in the coming weeks.”

“That so?”  Jon pursed his lips thoughtfully.  “You know, Baby… I’ve been kicking around an idea for awhile…”

Cate arched a brow at Jon’s tone.  It was obvious he had recognized an opening for him to bring up something he had already decided for himself.  Her fingers stopped moving on his leg and she pulled away enough to look up at Jon’s handsome, shadowed face.  “What’s that?”

“Well…” The corners of Jon’s mouth curved into a smile.  “I was thinking maybe we should move out here full time.  Out of the City, away from the rat race.”

Cate blinked at Jon, surprised by his proposal.  He loved being in the City, in the middle of the action.  Though he had never admitted as much to her, she knew why.  When Jon gazed out at the stunning view from his Manhattan penthouse, he was reminded of his success and his power.  There he wasn’t just a Jersey boy who had made good, he was the King of New York.

Cate knew there was also another reason Jon preferred to stay in the City.   It was the matter she chose to raise now.

“What about the boys?  We’re close to Dorothea’s place in SoHo.  If we’re out here, you won’t get to see them as much.”

 There was a trace of sadness in Jon’s reply.  “I don’t get to see them during the week anyway, with school and activities and all that stuff.  And Jesse has his own busy life.”  He cleared his throat softly.  “We can always go into the City for the weekend, or bring them out here.”

“Well sure, but…”  Cate paused, wondering if she was missing something.

“Don’t you want to move out here?”

“No, it’s not that at all.” Cate shook her head and gave Jon a small smile.  “I’m just wondering what made you think of this now?”

“Well, I’m spending a lot more time out here in the studio.”

“There are studios in Manhattan, too.”  Cate’s counterpoint was gentle, but dismissed his argument.

“If you’re working in Trenton, it’s closer.  And you don’t have to fight traffic out of the city.”

“But I’m not going to be in Trenton full-time.”  Cate arched a brow, reading Jon’s thoughts.  “Baby, what’s the real reason?”

Jon smiled sheepishly as he realized she could see through his excuses.  He pulled Cate gently back against him and slid his free hand to her belly.  “Okay, okay.  I was just thinking that it might be a little easier to relax out here.  Less stressful.  A calmer place for you to focus on growing our baby in there.”

Cate chuckled softly at his admission.  “Ah.  So that’s it.”  Her hand moved to cover Jon’s on her abdomen.  “That protective instinct is kicking in again, huh?”

Jon shrugged.  “Yeah, guess so.”  He chortled quietly.  “But I also know how important it is to have someplace quiet to come home to when things are crazy.  A sanctuary away from the insanity.  And if I end up doing this series and this case of yours gets any bigger… Well, we may need this place to come home to.”

He sighed.  “I’m not saying get rid of the apartment.  Of course we’ll stay there if we want or need to.  I’m just saying let’s make this our real home.”

Cate’s heart clenched a little at his words.  She had never told Jon, but the truth was she had never felt completely comfortable in the Middletown mansion.  It was Jon’s house, not hers.  Jon’s and Dorothea’s.  Even now, long after their marriage ended, Jon’s ex-wife was still omnipresent here.  In every detail, every paint scheme, every fixture, every room, Cate saw Dorothea and the ghosts of memories she would never share.

This house was a constant reminder of Jon’s previous life and happiness with another woman, another family.  Cate wasn’t sure she would ever truly belong here.

But she owed it to him to try.

“Well… I guess we could give it a shot, if you really want to.”  Cate gave Jon what she hoped was a supportive smile.  “It seems to make sense, since we’re both gonna be out of the City more, and with the holidays starting.”

Jon nodded, encouraged by her response.  “That’s what I was thinking.  We’re out here a lot around Christmas and New Year’s anyway.  And with all the records I have going, and with you away from the Manhattan office more…”  He grinned.  “Of course, we’ll have to go into the City for your appointments.  I’m sure Dr. Seuss will want to keep a close eye on you as the pregnancy progresses.”

“Jon… Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”  Cate’s smile faded a bit as she tried to stifle the little spark of excitement his comment evoked.  While she was optimistic that their latest attempt at procreation had been successful, she consciously tried not to get her hopes too high.  “Let’s confirm that there’s actually a little Bongiovi in there first, before we start booking prenatal appointments.  Okay?”

Jon chuckled guiltily.  “I know, I know.  But Cate… you said it yourself.  You feel it.  I feel it too, Baby.  You’re glowing.”

“I… I know,” Cate admitted with a soft sigh.  “But still, let’s at least wait until we have a test to back up my hunch, okay?”

“So this weekend might be a little too soon to start redecorating the nursery?”

Cate’s eyes widened at the suggestion.  She hadn’t even considered such a bold step.  For the past nine months her energy had been focused on trying to get pregnant, not on preparing to welcome a child.

“What?” she asked, almost meekly.

Jon tilted his head and looked down at Cate’s face, half-hidden by shadow.  He frowned slightly at her response.  “I just thought… well… Romey has his own room now, and everything in there is kind of dated and boyish.  I thought maybe you’d like to start getting the nursery ready for a new resident.”

He gave Cate a tender smile when she raised her face to look at him, surprise still painting her expression.   He continued his explanation.  “This way you can take your time, pick out whatever you want, not have to rush to get it all done.  I know it seems like jumping the gun a little, but trust me when I tell you nine months flies by.  Plus…”  Jon reached up to draw his finger gently across Cate’s cheek.  “It will be something we can do together, a nice distraction from the crazy of our jobs.”

“But Jon…” Cate paused, wanting to be sure her words didn’t come out wrong.  “Are you sure you want to… to change that room?  I mean… I’ve seen you in there.  The memories… of your boys... and Dorothea…”

“Ah.”  Jon nodded slowly, understanding what Cate was really trying to say.  “Well… if you don’t want to use that room as a nursery, there’s always the one by the office.  It’s a little smaller, but it would work…”

“Jon.” Cate cut him off mid-thought.   She shook her head slowly, trying to calm her mind, which was whirling with thoughts and worries and visions and emotions.  “I… just… it’s just too much… right now.  Let’s just take it a step at a time, okay?  Please?”

Jon’s  heart clenched as he looked into Cate’s wide blue eyes and saw a flicker of fear.  He mentally cursed himself for pushing her, for not giving her the time he knew she needed to shore up her psyche, to deal with her emotions.  In his excitement about Cate’s happy suspicion he had overwhelmed her.

“You’re right.  Baby, I’m sorry.”  Jon ducked his head to brush a kiss across her lips, then tipped his forehead against Cate's and smiled.  “I’m getting way ahead of myself, ain’t I?”

“Yeah.  You are.”

Jon shrugged and gave her a sheepish smile before pulling back.  “Okay.  So.  First things first…  A pregnancy test?”

Cate nodded slowly.  “Yes.  But probably not for a few more days.”

“Can we just get one from the pharmacy, or do we have to go to a doctor?”

“We can do a home pregnancy test.”  Cate’s voice wavered slightly.  “They’re accurate, as long as it’s not too early to detect the hormones.  But we’ll need to follow up with another test at Dr. Klein’s lab.”

“Okay.  When?  Should I run out and get one in the morning?”

Cate couldn’t help but giggle at Jon’s question.  The thought of him prowling the pregnancy test aisle at the Red Bank Pharmacy was too amusing.

“I’ll pick one up this weekend.  We should probably wait at least until Sunday anyway.”

“Sunday? Great.”  Jon groaned melodramatically and let his head loll forward.  “How am I supposed to concentrate on the damned game Sunday?  All I’ll be thinking is ‘hurry up and get this fucking thing over with so I can go home and see if my wife is knocked up’!”  He gave Cate a sideways look and a little grin.

Cate laughed, relieved that Jon had lightened the moment with his tease.  “Well, I guess we could do it Sunday morning, but then are you gonna be able to concentrate on the game when you know?”

“Probably not.”  Jon raised his head and shrugged.

“So it’s a Catch-22, then.  Either you’re focused on finding out for sure or you’re thinking about the results.”

“Guess so.  Damned if I do, damned if I don’t,”   Jon sighed.  “Well, guess it won’t hurt to wait until after.  Then we can celebrate together for more than a minute before I have to leave.  He smiled again.  “Good thing this ain’t a Division game.  I’d be really pissed if I missed something important.”

Cate chuckled softly and moved closer to Jon, again dropping her cheek against his shoulders.  “And good thing they aren’t playing the Eagles.  Then one of us probably wouldn’t be speaking to the other.”  She grinned as she mentioned her favorite team, the Giants' Division rivals.

Jon laughed and dropped a kiss against Cate’s hair.  “Nah.  I think we’d somehow forget about football for the sake of this.”

“You’re probably right.  So… Sunday night, then?”

“It’s a date, Baby.”

Cate swallowed hard and nodded.  While she was as eager as he to confirm her suspicions, a part of her was a little worried about the alternative outcome.  She hated to make him wait, but she needed to be sure not to attempt the test too early, so as not to set herself up for disappointment.  And she wanted Jon to be there, to discover the result with her… whatever it may be.

Sunday night.  After the game, when the boys were back home with their mother, when Jon’s parents had moved on to visit other relatives.  When they had the house to themselves and each other’s undivided attention.

Then they would know for sure.

*****

“Cate?  You okay in there?”  Jon’s anxious voice came from the other side of the closed door.

Cate took a deep breath.  “I’m fine.  Be out in a minute.”  Her answer was a partial lie; she could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she stared at the slender plastic wand in her hand.

All weekend she and Jon had looked forward to this moment.  They had shared secretive smiles and whispered conspiratorial conversations while enjoying time together and with his children.  Cate and Jon had even sent hopeful text messages back and forth while he fidgeted through the Giants game, proving his prediction that he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on football.  Their shared excitement had made their holiday together seem like a sweet, romantic escapade; one that would culminate in an intimate and long-overdue celebration.

She didn’t know why she was so nervous.  It wasn’t like she had never taken a pregnancy test before.  Hell, this wasn’t the first time in her life she had used the simple diagnostic device.  But Cate’s hands had trembled when she tore open the package, and her racing mind couldn’t focus on the simple instructions.

Cate sighed and shook her head, then pulled in and blew out another deep breath.  “You’re fine," she muttered to herself, annoyed with her weakness.   “Just do it.”

Careful not to touch the spongy tip to any surface, Cate carefully perched the pregnancy test stick on the top of the canister that held the little room’s extra toilet paper rolls.  She took another breath as she looped her thumbs into the elastic waist of her yoga pants and panties, and pushed them down past her knees.  Settling onto the toilet, Cate picked up the stick, then carefully lowered it between her parted thighs.

She held the tip under the trickle of her urine for a few extra seconds, wanting to ensure she collected a large enough sample.  Daintily she withdrew the soiled stick, then yanked a few squares of toilet tissue from the roll on the holder.  She again placed the stick on the canister, this time bedded on the tissue squares.  Cate didn’t dare look at the little indicator window on the stick as she finished voiding her bladder.

Cate tried to remain calm as she rearranged her clothing and flushed the toilet, readying herself to step outside the water closet and into the big bathroom.  She again took a deep breath, held it in while she counted to ten, then exhaled.  Then she picked up the stick and turned the knob.

She almost bumped into Jon when she stepped through the door.  Cate gave him a nervous smile when she saw in his expression that he was as anxious as she.

“So?”

“We’re supposed to wait at least three minutes.”

“You’ve been in there longer than that.”

“Yes, but it’s only been a minute or two since I actually peed on the stick.”  Cate held out the wand to Jon.  “Here.  You… you tell me.”  She swallowed hard, suddenly feeling a bit weak.

Jon’s expression sobered as he watched the color drain from Cate’s cheeks.  He stepped closer, reaching for her waist.  “Baby, you okay?”

Cate nodded and again pushed the test stick toward Jon.  “Here.  I can’t.”  She closed her eyes and leaned toward Jon, willing the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach to disappear.

“Okay.” Jon grabbed the wand from Cate’s hand, then pulled her against his chest.  “Come on.  Let’s go sit down.”  His gentle voice betrayed his worry.  “Then we’ll look together.”

Jon slipped an arm around Cate’s waist and carefully guided her across the bathroom.  They made their way through the arched door to the master bedroom and to the bed, where he helped her settle on its edge before sitting beside her.  Realizing his mouth had gone dry, Jon licked his lips before speaking.

“Ready?”

Cate nodded silently and raised her face to Jon’s.  His heart clenched at the fear in her sapphire gaze.  He gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile, then unfisted his hand to reveal the test’s result.  Together Jon and Cate looked down, their hearts simultaneously breaking at the two words they saw.

Not Pregnant

They sat in stunned silence for what seemed an hour before Cate’s small voice broke through the quiet.

“Oh, Jonny…. I’m sorry.”

Her choked apology stabbed through his gut.  Jon looked up to find her eyes shining with disappointed tears.  Instinctively he slipped an arm around Cate and pulled her close.  He kissed her temple as her head bowed.

“Baby, don’t.  You have nothing to be sorry about.”

Cate sniffled softly, trying in vain to hold back her tears.  “But I was so sure…”

Jon blinked back the moisture that blurred his own vision.  “Maybe it’s too early for the test.  Maybe we got a false negative.  These things aren’t a hundred percent accurate, right?  It says so right on the box.”

Cate shook her head sadly.  She knew what he was doing, trying to hold onto a shred of hope to temper their disappointment.  But she was certain the test was accurate.  She wasn’t pregnant.  Her mind or her body had tricked her into feeling what she wanted to believe.

“No.  The test is right.”  Cate sighed heavily .  “I’m not… not pregnant.”

Jon winced at the sting of her words and the defeat in her voice.  He hugged her again as he spoke, his tone one of gentle resolve.

“So we don’t quit.  Tomorrow we call Dr. Klein and get that prescription for those fertility pills, then we start again.  We try for a Christmas Baby, instead of a Thanksgiving one.”

Cate sniffled again before nodding slowly.  Of course Jon was right.  They would have to continue on with their treatment.  The only other option was to give up.

She forced a smile before raising her face to look at Jon.  A teardrop slipped down her cheek as she saw his blue eyes sparkling with his own disappointment.

“I’m so sorry, Baby,” she whispered.

“So am I.”  Jon gave Cate a long, soulful look, then leaned forward to touch his lips to hers.  “But I promise you, Cate… I’m not giving up.  We’re gonna make a baby.”

Cate nodded and again ducked her head.  She couldn’t bear to look at him, to see the sadness behind his brave smile.  She felt Jon’s lips against her forehead as her tears slid down her cheeks.